Mustache Organization Responds to Tim Lincecum

Mustache Organization Responds to Tim Lincecum

Hall of Very Good

Mustache Organization Responds to Tim Lincecum

When Brian Wilson left the San Francisco Giants, the team was left with a severe facial hair deficiency.

Subsequently, they went from being World Series champs in 2012 to sixteen games out of first place and watching the Playoffs from home last October.

Thankfully, Tim Lincecum stepped to the proverbial plate, entered 2014 with a mustache and decided that this was going to be the year that a follically-enhanced individual would lead the team back to the postseason. Unfortunately, before it had a chance to fully bloom, the two-time Cy Young Award winner decided to ditch the “caterpillar”, perhaps jinxing his team.

Naturally, the folks over at The American Mustache Institute were none too pleased.

“While we have no doubt that Mr. Lincecum has put himself at a severe disadvantage by removing what is widely considered the mitochondria of athletic prowess, we wish him only the best in his chosen lifestyle: one lacking any rugged handsomeness or sexual dynamism,” AMI’s president Adam Paul Causgrove told The Hall. “While the mustached community mourns the loss of his flavor savor, we keep our eyes on the future and continue our search for the next standard bearer in Major League Baseball. God Speed, Timmy.”

But wait…Lincecum’s choice to lose the lip sweater might all be part of a master plan.

Fingers. Crossed.

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