Wisdom and Links: Prepare Yourself for Opening Day

Wisdom and Links: Prepare Yourself for Opening Day

Hall of Very Good

Wisdom and Links: Prepare Yourself for Opening Day


This time next week (Monday) will be Opening Day. Prepare yourself now.

First off, inform your place of work that you will not be there. Invent a grandparent to kill off, if you must. Cruel and manipulative? Maybe. Justified? Absolutely.

Next off, make sure you have food and drink prepared. It will not be a day for healthy eating so, uhm, buy some weights or something to use during commercial breaks to offset it, or something.

Okay, now, you need your clothes ready. You’d think this would be more important than food, but, let’s face it, unless you have tickets to a game, you are watching the action from a chair or a sofa or something, so it’s not like anybody is seeing you, so you could watch opening day completely nude if you want. However, that means you AREN’T A TRUE FAN. Where is your jersey, you faux-fan? Or at least a T-shirt! Jeez! WHAT KIND OF BASEBALL FAN ARE YOU?

And, finally, you need to let all family know that you are busy. Unless they are puking themselves to death or something, you shouldn’t be bothered. And even then, they better hope there isn’t a no-hitter going.




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See you Opening Day, everybody!

As always, you can see more of my work over at Baseball Continuum.

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