Obsession: Not Just A Fragrance Anymore

MLB: New York Mets at Pittsburgh Pirates

Let’s face it, it’s been a sad offseason for the Mets and their fans. But we’ve delved into the bizarre and the embarrassing at this point. Two pieces of news hit the ether today. The first one said that the Mets’ payroll could drop as much as $20 million from last season, because the Mets don’t think they can win. (Hope Springs When We Feel Like Springing It.)

The second piece of news is hilarious and incredible.

“Fred Wilpon was “irate” after learning of Giancarlo Stanton’s recent trade to the Yankees, according to an industry source …”

Okay first off … doesn’t feel so good when the sources are reporting about you, does it? Betcha these leaks from “Mets sources” stop now, huh. At least they’re not reporting that you don’t hustle.

“Fred is pissed every time the Yankees make a move,” said a person who speaks to Wilpon regarding baseball matters.

You millennials won’t remember this, but when the Mets signed Bobby Bonilla in 1992, George Steinbrenner was so obsessed that he went and signed Danny Tartabull out of nowhere just to take some back page ink back. We all marveled at Steinbrenner’s obsession with the Mets and it was glorious. The Mets owned this city and George couldn’t handle it. Those of us who are old enough to remember those times grow increasingly discontented because those days are probably never coming back. But you’d think that Fred Wilpon would remember what a bad look that was by George and just worry about his own business.

No. Turns out he’s just as insecure as George was, with much less money. The circle is now complete.

“And he always seems surprised.”

Really. The New York F***ing Yankees taking on a big salary surprises you. Do you wake up every morning and ask your confidants what the big yellow thing in the sky is?

Wilpon believes such an economic model is “unsustainable,” according to a source, a sentiment he has held for several years as the Yankees have made blockbuster acquisitions.

You mean like when the Yankees bought Babe Ruth? That was 1919. This model has been sustainable for 98 years you half-wit waffle hump!!!

So, giving your money to Bernie Madoff, how’d that sustain you???

Wilpon’s reaction to the Stanton deal was hardly unexpected by those around the team patriarch — he was so rankled when the Yankees traded for Alex Rodriguez in 2004, according to sources, that he called a Mets executive who was on a family vacation to complain.

This would be so hilarious if it wasn’t so … nah, it’s hilarious. That had to be the moment when Fred achieved Full C. Montgomery Burns. Which poor Mets executive played the role of Waylon Smithers in this exchange?

“[Wilpon] keeps saying the Yankees can’t keep this model up,” a source said.

Serious question here for ya Fred: You’re a businessman? Because that’s your forte, right? That’s what Rob Manfred says, anyway. You’re a “top businessman.” So answer me this: How do you think that the Yankees model, the one where they spend money on good players and supplement with shrewd trades which are driven by all the money they can take off the hands of a smaller market’s payroll, is going to crash? How do you think the global might of a successful brand built on winning rather than austerity comes crashing down? How’s that going to happen? Steve Kemp is going to come back to play left field? Is somebody going to take them down with a lawsuit after he gets a rash from Yankees Cologne? Ecoli from Yankees bottled water?

You tell me, Freddy. You’re the businessman. I just stayed at a Holiday Inn while watching a Shark Tank marathon. Just do yourself a favor: Try not to listen to the radio for the next few days. (I’m assuming you don’t own a television. I mean let’s face it … talking pictures? The kids will never go for that.) Because you’re going to be doubly pissed when the Yankees get Gerrit Cole.

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