POINT/COUNTERPOINT: OFFSEASON/PRESEASON MAILBOX TIME!
By Glen McKee and Nate Trop
(Editors note: this was originally written the week before the Super Bowl but Nate and Glen are slackers and took their sweet time posting it)
At our nonexistent PCP headquarters, we get a lot (or, to be honest, no) mail and one of the favorite things for Nate and I to do, besides thinking up lousy ideas for a PCP that we ultimately reject, is to answer imaginary mail. Let’s get to it!
Q: You guys suck! C. Richter, Pacific Northwest
Glen: Well…thanks, I guess! That’s not a question but I’ll answer anyway. We’ll try to do better.
Nate: You suck, C. Richter, you sound like the type that takes duck face selfies on the beach and runs a fan site for a baseball team nobody cares about.
Q: Do you think that Scioscia will get an extension before or during the season, given that this is the last year of his contract? O. Land, Orange County
Nate: I really hope not, I still think the Angels need a new voice, even though he did a good job last year. What… you didn’t expect me to take a cheap shot about lasagna, did you?
Glen: Yes, I do: an extension to the post-game buffet table for more lasagna, amirite? Somebody shoot me for making that joke. Seriously, kill me now. Seriously part II: Giraldi is available, he used to work with Eppler. You do the math.
Can you guys post your reaction, in gif form, to when the Ohtani signing was announced?
Is the team going to be black enough this year? T. Hunter, Texas
Nate: Vlad is going into the HOF as an Angel, what else can you ask for?
Glen: We extended Justin Upton and we have…uh…is Ian Kinsler black? What? No? I’m gonna have to go with no then.
I know this question gets asked every year, but is Albert Pujols gonna bounce back this year? firstname.lastname@example.org, Brownsville, TX
Glen: He’s gonna bounce, all right, like a damn rubber ball! Seriously though, we all saw the recent pic of him and he looks like he’s in the BSOHAC (AC = Angels Career). I predict he’ll be slightly better this year than last, stat wise, but he’ll break down sooner from having to play 1B regularly again.
Nate: A bounce back is unlikely, I think if we are lucky, Mr. Ohtani will take a bunch of ABs away from Pujols and maybe the Angels will take a late run on a 1b/DH. Otherwise, I suspect it will be a painful season if you are a fan of the back door… err Pujols.
The Angels signed Zack Cozart to a three-year deal. Who is your favorite Zack? Z. Braff, formerly in Hollywood
Nate: We all know that Zack Morris is the one true Zack.
Glen: I’d prefer to answer this in video form: Guy love
Mike Scioscia told me that he is very flexible and open to trying new things, like letting the pitcher hit, can you confirm? S. Ohtani, Pacific Rim
Glen: Flexible at the post-game buffet, amirite? Please, again…kill me. Sosh has actually gotten more flexible lately, or my opinion of him has changed. I just don’t want to picture him physically trying to be flexible.
Nate: He didn’t call for the contact play with a runner on third and one out once. Or maybe the runner just missed the sign.
I hope Ohtani chokes on the sweet air of freedom. – Jerry D, Seattle
Nate: First of all, Japan is a free country, and this is Anaheim, he is choking on smog.
Glen: Hey Jerry, maybe you can use all that international pool money you hoarded for Ohtani to buy a clue, and a better haircut.
Do you guys know any Russians? I am fed up with the corrupt Hall of Fame. B. Bonds, San Francisco
Glen: I think you should be in the HOF, dude. That said, check here for Russian hookups: https://www.whitehouse.gov/contact/
Nate: I don’t know any Russians but I am sure one of your PED dealers can hook you up.
Gubizfddfwsf Gubizczczaaaca Gubikazaa Gubi keeps begging me to take him to the Super Bowl but he is so annoying, what can I do? M. Trout, South Jersey
Nate: I don’t think he is that bad, worst case, Glen knows a good place to dump a body. GO EAGLES!
Glen: Who wouldn’t want to go on a date with Gubi, besides Victor Rojas and everybody else? Just do a Victor and nod politely, and change the subject.
Which is better, In-N-Out or Five Guys? S. Straddler, Norco
Glen: Five Guys is great for all of the other stuff they have. In-N-Out is a classic for a reason. In-N-Out all the way. And eff all y’all, I love the fries there too. I even get my double double protein style (occasionally rarely ok, almost never) so I can feel less guilty about pigging out on the fries.
Nate: Five Guys…
OK, that’s it for this time. Keep those imaginary questions coming and we’ll do this again soon!