Grading The Best And Worst Cities In The NHL

Grading The Best And Worst Cities In The NHL

Penguins

Grading The Best And Worst Cities In The NHL

(Editor’s note: This blog is over 3,000 words. It’s safe to say I got a little carried away. I promise to never write a blog on this website this fucking long ever again.)

So a couple weeks ago I read an article on Sports Illustrated written by Michael McCann and Robert Raiola about the teams that were in the running to sign John Tavares. Even though the dust has settled with Tavares signing with Toronto on July 1st, I highly recommend giving it a read if you’re at all interested in the business side of player contracts. It’s a very topical piece in terms of the different factors a player can take into consideration when signing an NHL contract as a highly coveted unrestricted free agent – especially when it comes to the real value of compensation.

Anyways, after reading the article, it got me thinking. What if a player had the option to sign with any team in the NHL. I’m talking all 31 cities to choose from. Obviously, this is merely a hypothetical considering there are a ton of different factors that limit a team’s ability to offer a player a contract for fair market value. But fuck it. Let’s get a little weird.

I went ahead and graded each city in the NHL by six metrics: previous regular season record/finish, team attendance, after tax income, cost of living, climate, and other intangibles. Now, I know these aren’t the only factors a player takes into consideration when signing with a team (for instance, the fact that John Tavares grew up only an hour away from Toronto was a heavy deciding factor in him signing with the Maple Leafs), but I feel like these are definitely things that can sway a player’s mind one way or the other when signing a contract.

Here’s how I broke down each metric:

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: This one doesn’t really need much explanation. However, just like the finance nerds say, “past performance is no guarantee of future results.” Case in point with the Ottawa Senators of 2016-2017 versus the Ottawa Senators of 2017-2018. Then again, you have teams like the Minnesota Wild who make the playoffs just about every year, then lose in the first round. Still an important factor when it comes time for a player with plenty of options to sign a new contract, nonetheless.
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: For this one, I ranked each team 1-31 based on total average attendance for the 2017-2018 regular season. Now, before you freak out and see a team that stinks like Detroit in 4th and a team that routinely hits over 100% capacity (i.e. standing room only tickets) like Winnipeg in 26th, note that bigger arenas typically get more fans. For instance, Little Caesars Arena in Detroit has a capacity of 19,515 while Bell MTS Place in Winnipeg only holds a capacity of 16,345.
  • After Tax Income: Personally, I found this metric to be the most interesting. For simplicity’s sake, I took the hypothetical contract size of $11 million that was thrown around in the Tavares article and calculated the after tax value once I applied the federal and state/provincial income tax rates charged by each country and state/province. In addition, I factored in the 11.5% players must remit into an escrow account pursuant to the NHL’s collective bargaining agreement. As you’ll be able to tell after comparing cities, the taxes in Canada SUCCCKKKKKKK. I also didn’t factor in any “jock taxes” (i.e. tax payments when playing against teams in different countries/states/provinces) or round any numbers up. If you think my math stinks, it’s because it probably does. After all, I’m just a “basement” blogger.

Screen Shot 2018-07-11 at 9.47.15 PM.png

  • Cost of Living: Much like tax considerations, the cost of living in a particular city can heavily influence how much bang you can get for your buck. I went ahead and ranked each NHL city’s cost of living index thanks to the ultra helpful website numbeo.com. To put it simply, the lower the index number, the cheaper the cost of living (and the higher the ranking). Please note that New York City was valued at an index of 100 as it’s the most expensive city in North America. Therefore, all other 30 NHL cities are merely comparative values. Here’s one thing you might find surprising – Canadian cities are relatively cheaper than US cities. This is heavily influenced by the currency exchange rate between the US and Canada (a/o 7-11-18, $1 USD = $1.32 CAN).
  • Climate: Does a player enjoy playing in a city where he can’t go outside without freezing his dick off in January? Or would that player rather play in a city where he can golf year round? It’s probably not the most important deciding factor in the world, but it’s still a factor a player needs to weigh, nonetheless. Also, keep in mind that most NHL seasons last from September through April (sometimes into May and June depending on how far a team goes in the playoffs).
  • Intangibles: Are the players on the roster any good? Does the owner suck ass? What about the arena situation? Intangibles are just that. Intangibles. I more or less rambled in this section giving my opinion on the overall aspect of each team/city. Take it for what it’s worth.

giphy (2).gif

  1. Anaheim Ducks 
  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 44-25-13 (101 Points; 2nd Pacific)/Lost to SJ 4-0 in Round 1 of Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 23rd
  • After Tax Income: $4.8 million
  • Cost of Living: 26thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 10.18.39 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-09 at 9.47.39 PM.png
  • Intangibles: Aging team. Their big three (Getzlaf, Perry, and Kesler) are each 33+. John Gibson’s the future goaltender of this team, but they still employ 37-year old Ryan Miller for some reason. This is still most likely a playoff team, yet it’s safe to say their Stanley Cup window may be closed.
  • Grade: B-

2. Arizona Coyotes

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 29-41-12 (70 points; 8th Pacific)/DNQ for Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 30th
  • After Tax Income: $6.1 million
  • Cost of Living: 5thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 7.46.20 PM.png
  • Climate:Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 7.43.49 PM
  • Intangibles: Safe to say putting a team in the desert was a very stupid idea by Gary Bettman.* The Coyotes have some promising young talent in last year’s Rookie of the Year candidate, Clayton Keller (23 G, 42 A – 65 P), and the newly acquired Alex Galchenyuk, but unless your only priorities are maximizing your wealth, partying, and getting a sun tan, this team stinks (for now).
  • Grade: C-

3. Boston Bruins

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 50-20-12 (112 Points; 2nd Atlantic)/Lost to TBL 4-1 in Round 2 of Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 19th
  • After Tax Income: $5.7 million
  • Cost of Living: 28thScreen Shot 2018-07-09 at 8.42.59 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-09 at 9.48.35 PM.png
  • Intangibles: Last season, the Bruins had the second best record in the east. Although the Atlantic is a tough division with Tampa and Toronto not going anywhere, this team has a good mix of young and old talent, which gives them a chance to contend for years to come. Besides the heinous cost of living, resident goodboy G (who happens to reside in Bahstin) says Harpoon and lobstah rolls are good. Also, Rene Rancourt retired from singing.
  • Grade: A-

4. Buffalo Sabres

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 25-45-12 (62 Points; 8th Atlantic)/DNQ for Playoffs (i.e. no fucking shit)
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 11th
  • After Tax Income: $5.2 million
  • Cost of Living: 14thScreen Shot 2018-07-09 at 9.35.38 PM
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-09 at 9.44.42 PM.png
  • Intangibles: This team (and the weather) really stinks, but give them a few years. 1st round overall draft pick Rasmus Dahlin and Jack Eichel gives the Sabres some promise. Also, don’t you think it would be nice to give this fanbase a team to root for every once in a while past April?

https://twitter.com/NBCSportsPR/status/1005173408777297923

  • Grade: C

5. Calgary Flames

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 37-35-10 (84 Points; 5th in Pacific)/DNQ for Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 8th
  • After Tax Income: $5 million
  • Cost of Living: 11thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 7.47.59 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 7.51.22 PM.png
  • Intangibles: The Flames have been kind of dog shit for the past decade; however, things seem to be on the up-and-up for this particular team in Alberta. With a decent team, new arena deal potentially on the horizon, and Canada’s (in terms of NHL teams) best tax rate, Calgary’s definitely not the worst place to play in Canada.
  • Grade: B-

6. Carolina Hurricanes

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 36-35-11 (83 Points; 6th in Metro)/DNQ for Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 29th
  • After Tax Income: $5.5 million
  • Cost of Living: 14th

Screen Shot 2018-07-09 at 10.02.28 PM

  • Climate:

Screen Shot 2018-07-09 at 10.03.11 PM.png

  • Intangibles: Run. Run as far as you can. Also, imagine wearing these alternate jerseys. Wouldn’t be me. 😂😂😂

https://twitter.com/adidashockey/status/1010967165623652352

  • Grade: D

7. Chicago Blackhawks

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 33-39-10 (76 Points; 8th in Central); DNQ for Playoffs (very important to note this happened with a healthy Kane and Toews)
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 1st
  • After Tax Income: $5.6 million
  • Cost of Living: 23rdScreen Shot 2018-07-09 at 10.18.50 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-09 at 10.19.34 PM.png
  • Intangibles: Although the Blackhawks have won three Stanley Cups in the past eight years, it appears as if the team is in rebuilding mode. Don’t get me wrong, Chicago is incredible city with an incredible fanbase. But whenever your team shit the bed the previous season and your biggest free agent signings are Brandon Manning and soon to be 39-year old Chris Kunitz…

  • Grade: B

8. Colorado Avalanche

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 43-30-9 (95 Points; 4th in Central)/Lost to NSH 4-2 in Round 1 of Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 25th
  • After Tax Income: $5.6 million
  • Cost of Living: 18thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 7.52.54 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 7.53.36 PM.png
  • Intangibles: Well, well, well. This team was supposed to be a hot, steaming pile of garbage last year (or at least it appeared to be that way). So much so that Matt Duchene requested to be traded to another hot, steaming pile of garbage. But the Avalanche made the playoffs! If Nathan MacKinnon can play out of his mind every year (39 G, 58 A, 97 P), this team might actually have a chance to compete.
  • Grade: C+

9. Columbus Blue Jackets

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 45-30-7 (97 Points/4th in Metro)/Lost to WSH 4-2 in Round 1 of Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 22nd
  • After Tax Income: $5.6 million
  • Cost of Living: 8thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 7.54.55 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 7.55.35 PM.png
  • Intangibles: As one of my twitter friends (Tim, to be specific) once said, “No one outside of Ohio knows that Columbus is a city. Everyone else thinks it’s some jerk sailor.” I feel like that’s also relevant if you’re a free agent looking to pick a team to play for in the NHL. Besides, who wants to get their shit pumped every year by Pittsburgh and Washington anyways? Definitely not Artemi Panarin.
  • Grade: C

10. Dallas Stars

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 42-32-8 (92 Points; 6th in Central)/DNQ for Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 15th
  • After Tax Income: $6.1 million
  • Cost of Living: 6thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.05.20 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.05.53 PM
  • Intangibles: Ryan Whitney has called Dallas one of the more underrated cities in the NHL. Dallas probably isn’t going to win a Stanley Cup with its current roster, but the after-tax income and cheap cost of living (paired with Whitney’s ringing endorsement) makes this destination enticing.
  • Grade: B

11. Detroit Red Wings

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 30-39-13 (73 Points; 5th in Atlantic)/DNQ for Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 4th
  • After Tax Income: $5.7 million
  • Cost of Living: 1stScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.08.33 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.09.18 PM.png
  • Intangibles: They got a new arena last year. They also suck. And so does the city itself.
  • Grade: C-

12. Edmonton Oilers

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 36-40-6 (78 Points; 6th in Pacific)/DNQ for Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 13th
  • After Tax Income: $5 million
  • Cost of Living: 9thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.12.34 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.14.11 PM.png
  • Intangibles: If Connor McDavid didn’t play here, Edmonton would make Detroit look like La Jolla. Hell, even Gretzky left Edmonton for LA.
  • Grade: C

13. Florida Panthers

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 44-30-8 (96 Points; 4th in Atlantic)/DNQ for Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 28th
  • After Tax Income: $6.1 million
  • Cost of Living: 20thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.16.19 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.16.52 PM.png
  • Intangibles: The weather’s nice. Maybe so much so that the fans don’t seem to care to be inside. Also, anyone who gives up Jonathan Marchessault to Vegas for free is a fucking moron. Speaking of that same moron, why not trade for Mike Hoffman while you’re at it? Here’s a quote:

https://twitter.com/CJ_Stevenson/status/1009082990771785728

  • Grade: C

14. Los Angeles Kings

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 45-29-8 (98 Points; 4th in Pacific)/Lost to VGK 4-0 in Round 1 of Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 14th
  • After Tax Income: $4.8 million
  • Cost of Living: 25thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.18.34 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.20.00 PM.png
  • Intangibles: Wanna be a D-list celebrity in Hollywood? Join the Kings! Or should I say the LA-ARP Kings, amirite? Sorry for the horrible joke. This team needs to win right now (which they’re not) or else they’re fucked.

https://twitter.com/DimFilipovic/status/1012830208473247745

  • Grade: B

15. Minnesota Wild

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 45-26-11 (101 Points; 3rd in Central)/Lost to WPG 4-1 in Round 1 of Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 7th
  • After Tax Income: $5.1 million
  • Cost of Living: 19thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.26.40 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.27.16 PM.png
  • Intangibles: The formula for teams coached by Bruce Boudreau goes something like this: do extremely well in the regular season so you pump up the fanbase’s expectations. Then, get the everliving shit kicked out of you in the first or second (but more so first) round of the playoffs. Also, in case you were wondering, the “State of Hockey” is a facade. Contrary to what the tweet below states, Minnesota DID, in fact, make the playoffs last season.

https://twitter.com/NBCSportsPR/status/989621929693929472

  • Grade: C

16. Montreal Canadiens

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 29-40-13 (71 Points; 6th in Atlantic)/DNQ for Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 2nd
  • After Tax Income: $4 million
  • Cost of Living: 4thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.29.18 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.30.16 PM.png
  • Intangibles: Until GM Marc Bergevin gets fired, this team is going nowhere. The taxes stink to high heavens in Montreal, but the fanbase is top notch. I hear they have half hour ceremonies before every game, too.
  • Grade: B

17. Nashville Predators

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 53-18-11 (117 Points; 1st in Central)/Lost to WPG 4-3 in Round 2 of Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 21st
  • After Tax Income: $6.1 million
  • Cost of Living: 10thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.36.45 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.37.37 PM.png
  • Intangibles: Not a whole lot to hate here. Last year’s Presidents’ Trophy winners. Arguably the best defense in hockey. Insane arena environment. No state income tax. And best of all, Mike Fisher decided to retire for the second straight year in a row (meaning goodbye, Carrie Underwood). If this team’s missing one thing, it’s a superstar forward (and a new goalie who doesn’t shit the bed in the playoffs).
  • Grade: A

18. New Jersey Devils

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 44-29-9 (97 Points; 5th in Metro)/Lost to TBL 4-1 in Round 1 of Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 27th
  • After Tax Income: $5.2 million
  • Cost of Living: 24th (Comparable to the Chicago Blackhawks, but I gave the edge to Chicago since some players might choose to live in New York.)
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.43.12 PM.png
  • Intangibles: Taylor Hall (who Devils GM Ray Shero somehow landed when he traded Adam Larsson straight up to Edmonton two summers ago) led the way in New Jersey last year with his best season of his career (39 G, 54 A – 93 P) and carried the Devils to the playoffs for the first time since losing in the Stanley Cup Final to LA in 2012. Hall would also go on to become the Devils first recipient to win the Hart Memorial Trophy as the league’s MVP. This team will be pretty good for years to come, but the fans still won’t show up to watch them. Also, the Penguins and Capitals are still in the same division.
  • Grade: B-

19. New York Islanders

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 35-37-10 (80 Points; 7th in Metro)/DNQ for Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 31st
  • After Tax Income: $5.2 million
  • Cost of Living: 30th (Comparable to the New York Rangers, but I gave the edge to the Rangers since they’re located in Manhattan aka death to your wallet.)
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.23.51 PM.png
  • Intangibles: Is anyone really surprised why John Tavares left? Sure, they landed Lou Lamoriello and Barry Trotz, Mathew Barzal just won the Calder Trophy, and they’re getting a new arena. But this team is going to suck ass for the next three years. Minimum.
  • Grade: D+

20. New York Rangers

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 34-39-9 (77 Points; 8th in Metro)/DNQ for Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 18th
  • After Tax Income: $5.2 million
  • Cost of Living: 31stScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 8.52.51 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.23.51 PM
  • Intangibles: After an abysmal 2017-2018, it’s evident that the Rangers are in full rebuilding mode. However, they’re still the Rangers, and they’re still located in downtown Manhattan. Plus they just got a new head coach in B.U.’s David Quinn. Word is he’s pretty good at developing young talent.
  • Grade: B

21. Ottawa Senators

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 28-43-11 (67 Points; 7th in Atlantic)/DNQ for Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 24th
  • After Tax Income: $4.5 million
  • Cost of Living: 2ndScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.01.42 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.02.30 PM.png
  • Intangibles: After being merely a goal away in double OT of the 2017 Eastern Conference Finals from punching their ticket to the Stanley Cup Final, this team (and organization) has fallen apart faster than Pittsburgh Hockey Now. You’ve got the best defenseman in the NHL all but set to be traded to either Tampa or Vegas, the assistant GM getting charged with sexual harassment, the Mike Hoffman situation, and quite possibly one of the worst owners in sports. Talk about the dumpster fire gif coming to life. Hard pass.

  • Grade: F

22. Philadelphia Flyers

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 42-26-14 (98 Points; 3rd in Metro)/Lost to PIT 4-2 in Round 1 of Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 3rd
  • After Tax Income: $5.9 million
  • Cost of Living: 27thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.05.31 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.06.14 PM.png
  • Intangibles: Being from Pittsburgh, I give a lot of shit to Philly. But here’s the thing – it’s not the city itself that I hate. In fact, the city is lovely. It’s the people who stink. And they eat horse shit after winning Super Bowl (singular). Also, don’t let last year’s record full you that they’re a good team. Dave Hakstol is not a good coach.
  • Grade: B-

23. Pittsburgh Penguins

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 47-29-6 (100 Points; 2nd in Metro)/Lost to WSH 4-2 in Round 2 of Playoffs 😦
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 10th
  • After Tax Income: 5.9 million
  • Cost of Living: 21stScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.09.14 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.11.56 PM.png
  • Intangibles: Crosby, Malkin, Kessel, Letang (not the 2017-2018 version), Murray. I could go on and on, but the truth of the matter is this team’s Stanley Cup window is probably capped at another five years. Sucks to say it, but all the big dogs are now 30+ (minus Murray and Guentzel, of course).
  • Grade: A

24. Saint Louis Blues

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 44-32-6 (94 Points; 5th in Central)/DNQ for Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 12th
  • After Tax Income: $5.5 million
  • Cost of Living: 12thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.13.37 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.28.51 PM.png
  • Intangibles: Saint Louis is kind of like that stupid sweater your mother bought you last Christmas that you’ll never wear. It’s there, but you just know you’ll never go for it unless you’re absolutely desperate. And that is my intangibles analysis for the Saint Louis Blues.
  • Grade: C

25. San Jose Sharks

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 45-27-10 (100 Points; 3rd in Pacific)/Lost to VGK 4-2 in Round 2 of Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 20th
  • After Tax Income: $4.8 million
  • Cost of Living: 22ndScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.31.18 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.33.20 PM.png
  • Intangibles: Only two years removed from making their first appearance in the Stanley Cup Final, the Sharks are still in the fold in terms of cup contenders. Pair that with signing Logan Couture to a long-term extension and stealing a king’s ransom worth of draft picks the next two years from dipshit Dale Tallon, and the Sharks look like they may be for real for a while.
  • Grade: B+

26. Tampa Bay Lighting

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 52-23-5 (113 Points; 1st in Atlantic); Lost to WSH 4-3 in Round 3 of Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 6th
  • After Tax Income: $6.1 million
  • Cost of Living: 13thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.35.19 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.35.53 PM.png
  • Intangibles: Sunshine. A wagon of a team (that’s what the cool kids are saying these days, sorry). No state income taxes. Good fans. The only thing keeping the Lightning at an A- is the fact that they always seem to find a way to choke in the playoffs. However, that all could change if they trade for Erik Karlsson.
  • Grade: A-

27. Toronto Maple Leafs

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 49-26-7 (105 Points; 3rd in Atlantic)/ Lost to BOS 4-3 in Round 1 of Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 5th
  • After Tax Income: $4.5 million
  • Cost of Living: 16thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.38.45 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.40.14 PM.png
  • Intangibles: With the recent signing of John Tavares, the Maple Leafs just went from playoff contenders to potentially Stanley Cup contenders. Tavares and Auston Matthews are going to make this a fun team to watch for years to come. Only negative other than Ontario stealing all of your money? Steve Simmons and the rest of the idiots in the Toronto media.
  • Grade: A-

28. Vancouver Canucks

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 31-40-11 (73 Points; 7th in Pacific)/DNQ for Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 16th
  • After Tax Income: $4.8 million
  • Cost of Living: 15thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.54.02 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.54.37 PM.png
  • Intangibles: The Canucks haven’t done much since losing in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final to the Bruins back in 2011. I would go ahead and tear them apart like their fans did to their city after losing out on Lord Stanley by one game for the second time in franchise history, but I’m not going to do that. Sure, they might get less than 73 points this upcoming season now that the Sedin twins have retired, but from all accounts, I’ve been told Vancouver is an AWESOME city.
  • Grade: B-

29. Vegas Golden Knights

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 51-24-7 (109 Points; 1st in Pacific)/Lost to WSH 4-1 in Stanley Cup Final
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 17th
  • After Tax Income: $6.1 million
  • Cost of Living: 7thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.58.10 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 9.58.46 PM.png
  • Intangibles: *Safe to say putting a team in the (correct part) of the desert was a very smart idea by Gary Bettman. What’s there not to like about Vegas? Good weather, no state income tax, affordable cost of living (unless you’re buying $16.24 mimosas in the Aria casino like a dickhead. It may or may not have been me.), a packed arena every game, and a hockey team that just made it to the Stanley Cup Final as an expansion team. Not bad. Not bad at all. Although I can see it being a little weird raising a family in a city where people only come to visit so they can get absolutely obliterated and lose all their money.
  • Grade: A

30. Washington Capitals

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 49-26-7 (105 Points; 1st in Metro)/Won Stanley Cup
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 9th
  • After Tax Income (VA/MD): $5.5 million
  • Cost of Living: 29thScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 10.00.44 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 10.01.15 PM
  • Intangibles: After falling on their faces for 44 consecutive years (often times in humiliating fashion), the Washington Capitals finally did it in 2018. They got past the second round of the playoffs (and won the Stanley Cup). However, much like the Penguins, with the bulk of their star talent over 30-years old, the Capitals probably only have a few years left to win more championships. Another drawback to DC – things are expensive as shit.
  • Grade: A-

31. Winnipeg Jets

  • 2017-2018 Regular Season Record/Finish: 52-20-10 (114 Points; 2nd in Central)/Lost to VGK 4-1 in Round 3 of Playoffs
  • 2017-2018 Attendance Ranking: 26th
  • After Tax Income: $4.8 million
  • Cost of Living: 3rdScreen Shot 2018-07-10 at 10.03.17 PM.png
  • Climate: Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 10.03.56 PM.png
  • Intangibles: The Winnipeg Jets aren’t going away anytime soon. Their three biggest stars (Patrik Laine, Mark Scheifele, and Connor Hellebuyck) are each under 26-years old, and they’re all most likely going to get a little better within the next few years. Your dick may very well fall off in the wintertime from frostbite, but come springtime, this team’s gonna heat it up (sorry that’s my last horrible joke).
  • Grade: B+

If you liked this blog, let me know. I can think of some more topics of this nature for the future, if so.

On the other hand, if you think it sucked ass, let me know as well. Either way, GFY. I can’t believe I wrote this many words in one blog.

@PeepsBurgh

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