The Sports Daily > Barry Melrose Rocks
Now who’s going to blow up the Death Star


Anze Kopitar: We were SO CLOSE you guys! We already blew up the first Death Star, I’ve made peace with the fact that Ryan Smyth is, in fact, my father, and Jarret and Rachel mae friends with Ewoks

Jarret Stoll: Turns out they were just hairy midgets from West Hollywood!

Kopitar: All that we had left to do was blow up the second Death Star that they were building in Edmonton.

Michael Handzus: He’s not a complete goalie, but I’m afraid we will find him fully operational

Kopitar: Scuderi didn’t want to be Lando, but we got around it, and made sure to get the right guy for the job, isn’t that right Wayne?

Wayne Simmonds: Just because I’m black doesn’t mean–

Kopitar: Great. But Frolov was supposed to be Wedge! Everyone knows that Wedge was the one that got the first shot in before Lando finished the job. Who will be Wedge?

Drew Doughty: I’ll do it!

Kopitar: HAHAHAHA. No. You’re Porkins. Let’s face it, we’re never going to find someone to take over for Frolov. Nobody as perfect as Wayne was for Lando, anyways.

Simmonds: Hey, f*k you man