The Wild are planning a press conference in under a half an hour. The idea is that it is an introductory press conference for Zach Parise and Ryan Suter is quaint. Very nice. I’ve been around the Wild and Minnesota sports for too long. I have some other ideas of what might be said at the press conference.
– The real reason Parise and Suter signed with the Wild was becuase they were promised the chance to switch it up. Suter will play left wing, Parise will play defense.
– Early in the press conference Parise will say he is very happy to be a member of the Wild. Suter will agree, stating “Yes, we are both happy to be Wilds. Wait, that doesn’t sound right”. And then Suter will get a concussion bashing his head on the table.
– “Boy, I’m sure glad we signed these contracts ahead of the lockout”
– Parise and Suter will ask that something be done about “that whole Pierre Marc Bouchard thing, if you know what we mean.” Everyone knows what they mean.
– Suter, upset that Parise is getting all the attention, demands to be traded.
– Parise, realizing he will be playing right down the street from his parents also demands to be traded.