The List of Joe: Favorite possible Bills QBs who aren’t Tyrod or a draft pick

Super Bowl Opening Night at Minute Maid Park

Unlike the List of Jericho, no one likes this QB list. Still, just like if you make the list of Jericho, making the Bills possible FA/Trade QB list means you probably register very high on the chump stain measurements.

If the FA list of QBs were at least kind of sexy, I think more fans would be inclined to let Tyrod leave. This shouldn’t come as a shock since the FA list for QBs normally sucks. If you are a decent QB, it is more than likely a team will lock you up for years because it is the most important position on your team. When was the last time a legit QB hit the free agent market who wasn’t cut or traded? I think you have to go back to Drew Brees leaving San Diego for New Orleans.

This list consists of has beens, guys who never were, and pipe dreams. It is about as sloppy seconds as you can get when it comes to QBs. I’m not thrilled with the list, but beggars can’t be choosers. I’m going to list them from the shittiest to the shitty. Yes,  keep in mind most of this is done with a gun to my head.  Additionally, I’m rating them by who I like, NOT by who I think the Bills will go after. I’ll actually give you that POV in my final word.

10) Brian Hoyer – This is where we go, BRIAN HOYER SUCKS!!! BOOOO!! And then we go, wait, here’s a guy who has actually started a playoff game during the drought. Yes, a team lead by Brian F’N Hoyer has started a playoff game. Kill me now. Hey, at least the Bills are 2-0 against him.

  • Hoyer Pro – Has a QB rating of 95.3 over the last 13 games, he has 25 TDs and 7 Ints and 4,140 yards. He’s been in about 5 different systems and can adjust I would say. Also learned under Kyle Shanahan in Cleveland which is a spinoff of Dennison’s offense.
  • Hoyer Con – Career completion percentage of 59.5%. Since 2014, Hoyer’s offenses have ranked 27th, 21st, and 28th in scoring.

Verdict: Ugh. If you draft someone in the first round, I’d predict that Hoyer would lose his job by week 3.

9) Josh McCown – How in the blue hell do we still have a McCown brother in the NFL? Josh has played for NINE NFL teams. That has to be a record. Remember when the Bills destroyed the McCown brothers during the apex season (2004) of the drought?

  • McCown Pro – Has to know every system since he’s played for 9 F’N teams. Hell, he probably knows where all the best restaurants, bars and strip clubs are in the country. The Bills did actually make a run at him two seasons ago, but he picked the Browns instead. Yeesh, that’s like picking to live at The Wall or The Erie. Had a nice year in Chicago in 2014 where he passed for 13 TDs and 1 INT in 8 games.
  • McCown Con – He sucks. Never had over 2,600 yards passing in a season. Has an 18-42 record as a starting QB. Did I mention he sucks?

Verdict: Doug Whaley did make a run at him before. Seriously, McCown and Hoyer are the same F’N QBs. If the Bills sign either of these two, It will take me back to my disappointment when they sign Kevin Kolb, who is basically their doppelganger as well.

8) Matt Schaub – You want to talk about someone hitting the wall in a blink of an eye, I give you Matt Schaub. In 2012, Schaub/Texans went 12-4 and he passed for 22 TDs, 12 INTs, and had over 4,000 yards passing. The next year? Implosion. Schaub went 2-6 and threw for 10 TDs and 14 INTs that I believe all those picks went back for TDs. It was such a strange drop-off cause Schaub was only 31. Schaub has only started 2 games in his last 3 years and has played for 3 different teams.

  • Schaub Pro – Knows the system and the OC. He was Dennison’s QB during his days in Houston and Baltimore. He’s a veteran guy with playoff experience and put up three 4,000 yard seasons (Had a 4,770 yard season in 2009!). Probably cheapest option for a bridge guy by salary.
  • Schaub Con – Schaub’s 2013 implosion was about as epic as you can get and Twitter had a heart attack laughing at him. Even when he started two games last year for Baltimore, he threw 4 INTs.

Verdict: I like Schaub more than Hoyer/McCown because of knowing system and at least he had a prime. Maybe, just maybe, 2013 was just an off year and he never really got a chance to prove that because he switched teams a bunch of times. Still, he imploded pretty badly.

7) Nick Foles – Where the hell is the bleach? Again, another shitty QB who started a playoff game during the fricken drought.  He’s still with KC for now, but they could save a nice chunk of money if they cut him as he had a 2-year, 12.5 million dollar deal in KC. Seriously, what a F’N rip off.

  • Foles Pro – He’s a part of the Andy Reid/Philly tree which could get him brownie points with McDermott. Had a 27 TD/2 INT year in 13 games during the 2013 season. He’s still only 28.
  • Foles Cons – One year wonder. Has 23 TDs and 20 INTs in his last 22 games. Went to St. Louis and died like every QB seems to do when they go there.

Verdict: Ehhhhhhhh. You know how Andy Reid’s guys go? Their QBs and coaches always seemed to be connected somehow. Foles is the only guy who’s directly involved with the Andy Reid tree here and we all know McDermott loves him some Andy Reid.

6)  Ryan Fitzpatrick – hahahahaha. I know. F’N Fitz. Aside from Sam Gash and Peerless Price, who else has come back after bouncing? Still, he’s a FA and stats wise, he’s easily in the top 5.

  • Fitzpatrick Pro – Veteran pro and seems like he’d be decent in that mentor role. Put up gaudy numbers in 2015 (31 TDs, 15 INTs, 3,905 yards).
  • Fitzpatrick Con – lost his job twice last season and his numbers came crashing down to earth (12 TDs and 17 INTs) unless he played the Bills.  Has the 4th most INTs in the NFL since 2009. We have seen this story before. The bad Fitz always outweighs the good Fitz.

Verdict: If Ryan Fitzpatrick never played in Buffalo, he’d probably be #1 in terms of retread QBs who are FAs. However, it is tough for myself or any Bills fan to talk about taking him back because we ran his ass out of town. I also see Fitz hanging it up and maybe going down the Bledsoe path of “If I’m not starting, I’ll go make wine in retirement” stage. Also, Dennison’s systems have a lot of roll out passes involved and Fitz has never been a good passer when they get him out of the pocket.

5) CFL guy – Stealing from Matty Renn’s love for the CFL, why the hell not? Maybe the next Jeff Garcia is hanging out there? Warren Moon 2.0? Flute Magic!! Look at the stats on these guys!!! Alright, I’m half kidding. But what the hell? I’m actually surprised more NFL teams look there for QBs when you consider how often they have to throw. Go for that unknown instead of the retread shitty knowns of this list.

4) Jay Cutler – If this were 2014, I’d be all in on Cutler. All you have to do is check out my tweets from 2014. I’ve always loved his arm and when he’s on, he’s really on. However, the guy has hit hard times over the last few years. He can’t stay healthy and he lost his job to Jimmy Clausen last season. He’s also kind of a douchebag and rubs teammates the wrong way.

  • Cuter Pro – Had arguably his most successful seasons in Denver when Dennison was his OC (Only 4000+ yard season). Has a hell of an arm and has been to the playoffs. May have the most talent on this list.
  • Cutler Con – A turnover machine. Since 2009, he’s had the 6th most INTs at 109 while playing in 102 games. He’s prone to sacks (6th most during that time).

Verdict: Polar opposite in comparison to Tyrod. Tyrod “game manager” vs. Cutler “riverboat gambler.” I can’t see Cutler relishing a mentor role if it becomes one of those “Draft a QB high and have him set the bench” routine. He’s also going to cost you 10 million plus I’d assume. If the Bills sign Cutler, it would be a situation where maybe they see this team getting a mini-run in them cause they are reuniting him with Dennison. I strongly advise against that.

3) Jimmy Garoppolo – Honestly, no one is hated more on this list than Jimmy G. “Fuck the Pats…He’s only started like 2 games…Pats aren’t going to trade him to a division rival…does Rob Johnson or Matt Cassel mean anything to you?”

First off, Belichick is an ego maniac and has as much hubris as you could get. He’d trade half his team to Buffalo just so he could troll us when Brady drops 50 on us. Hell, he kind of did that when the Bills got Bledsoe/Milloy in the early 2000s. Second, for every Rob Johnson or Matt Cassel you shove in my face, I give you Matt Schaub and Matt Hasselbeck who didn’t exactly have a resume with Green Bay and Atlanta before they became mainstays in Seattle and Houston. So, don’t be so close minded.

  • Garoppolo Pro- Two starts: 42 of 59 for 684 yards, 4 TDs and 0 INTs.
  • Garoppolo Con- Only two starts and will probably cost you a 1st or 2nd rounder.

Verdict – I would love if the Bills made this move just to see if we could get one on the Pats for a change. It would be soooooo awesome if Garoppolo is legit. It isn’t like Garoppolo is a late round pick. The guy was drafted in the 2nd round, so, he has upside. I know he had a small body of work, but he looked fricken awesome in those two games. Still, giving up a 1st rounder? I couldn’t do that. Maybe a 2nd rounder I could get behind. Now for your reality check, I don’t think the Bills are interested in giving up assets that high for him. Additionally, I’m not sure how he’d fit in the Shanahan/Dennison offense.

2) Tony Romo – Russ Brandon is probably BEGGING for the Bills to make this move.  He’s probably leaving Tony Romo bobbleheads all over the Pegula Yacht or duct taped “Romo” across a Rian Lindell jersey as a gift to a Pegula daughter. Worried about the Bills losing their season ticket base? Here’s Tony F’N Romo. He has the most star power on here and would liven things up majorly.

  • Romo Pro – Do I have to go over his stats? Has four 4,000 yard seasons and four 30+TD seasons. From 2006-2013, he had the 6th most yards passing, 5th most TD passes, and 8th best QB rating in the NFL.
  • Romo Con – Health and convincing him to come here.

Verdict: Let’s go to the health part. I don’t wanna declare the guy’s career is over. I’m not a doctor. I should also remind you that a number of folks thought Manning’s career was fucked after having like 4 neck surgeries in like a calendar year and then did very well in Denver. Still, with the way Romo has gotten hurt – especially with his preseason hit from last year – they weren’t exactly vicious hits. If Romo comes here, I think you got a nice set of skill guys with Watkins/Clay/McCoy, but that right side of the OL should scare the shit out of Romo’s collarbone. Furthermore, you’ll have to give him like 20-million for possibly being a hit away from being knocked out. If it were last year, I’d probably have him #1, but not this year.

Now to the convincing part…I don’t want to put up a “Buffalo never gets that type of guy!” narrative because they did get T.O., Mario, and Rex Ryan when a lot of people didn’t think they had a chance. And the Pegulas have gobbles of money, Jets, Canalside property, and natural gas to give to Romo. But…the Bills don’t have a chance at getting him. If I’m Romo, I’m begging to get to Denver or Houston even. I don’t think Jerry Jones is going to send him to a place he doesn’t want to go unless the Bills gave up a 2nd round pick which I would NOT do.

1) Kirk Cousins – YOU LIKE THAT?! YOU LIKE THAT! I would soooooo be tweeting out that Meme like 10 times during a Bills game. I’m not sure what the hell is going down with Cousins in DC? Franchise tag again? Long term gig? Trade? Hey, he’s a FA so he just made the list!!! [Jericho voice]

  • Cousins Pro – Over the last two seasons, Cousins is 4th in yards passing (9,083 yards) 12th in TD passes (54), 3rd in completion percentage (68%) and 5th in QB rating with at least 26 starts. Knows the Dennison/Shanahan offense.
  • Cousins Con – Will cost you at least a 1st and probably a 2nd. Also had awesome WRs at his disposal.

Verdict: I think Cousins is the most talented/not as many blemishes on this list. Yes, he’s made some bone headed decisions at times on the field, but he’s still put up decent numbers. I am actually kind of shocked he and the Skins haven’t come to a long term deal. Now, he’s not going to come cheap. He’s going to cost you 24-million and your 1st and 2nd rounders. At least. When you start talking about giving up assets, this goes back to filling other holes that the Bills have on this team.

Final word
It is a not a sexy list by any means. If the Bills lose Tyrod, they will have to sign someone from this list. If the Bills draft someone within the first two rounds, I think they go McCown or Hoyer as the veteran guys. Both are veterans and both should come cheap. Schaub is the cheapest option, but he may also be the most useless one. I think the Bills aren’t going to pay a lot to a vet IF they go QB that early in the draft. There’s a strong likelihood the high draft pick at QB would start right away or when the Bills race out to a 0-3 record and bench the vet.

If the Bills don’t like any of the QBs in the draft and decide to wait until next year, I could see Cutler coming in because of his Dennison connection and having success in Denver.  If healthy, I think Cutler gives you a better chance to win than say Foles/McCown/Schaub/Hoyer. I could also see the Bills paying more for Cutler than any other team would.

As for my top 3, giving up assets and recruiting efforts are going to cock block the Bills.

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