Let me be the very first to welcome you to St. Louis!
Whatever personal sadness you have leaving sunny South Beach for the Midwest winter?
Just wait until the Winter Warm-Up… it’s going to be LIT at the Hyatt Regency, Gio. You’ll take more selfies in one day than you did all last season at Marlins Stadium.
And by opening day?
I literally don’t think you have any idea what you’re getting into. Goosebumps just picturing that 1st introduction at Busch Stadium. Gibby and Ozzie and Lou bear-hugging you in their red blazers at home plate while Mike Shannon on the mic gets the frothing packed house hype?
I can’t even.
A few things while I’ve got you on the site:
1) I’m sure that there are a couple people salty that their favorite Cardinal got traded to make this deal happen. A few of them might of hit you up on Twitter and let you know about it.
But that’s the type of shit that happens in places where fans are passionate, man.
They’ll come around once you knock out a few jumbotron panels on the scoreboard. Promise.
2) I’m not here to count another man’s money… but if I’m you, I maybe try and see if you can’t swing 2 mortgages for a couple of years. Huntleigh is really, really nice.
But the views?
Sliiiigthly better in Miami.
3) Not sure if you’re dating anyone or not at the moment. But if you’re single, you can delete Bumble or Tinder and gain a little extra space on your iPhone X.
Feel free to date anyone you want in St. Louis. You’re now the best looking man in the state. As well as the richest.
I’m not saying that facetiously – even married men will happily complete any paperwork needed to take a step back into the single life if it helps you crack 60 HRs next year.
4) You’re in shape. Everyone knows it. You may or may not drink. You may or may not eat pizza on the weekends.
But moving forward you love Budweiser beer (or 4 Hands or Schlafly if you want to be a little more subtle) and Imo’s Pizza and you’re going to say this in pretty much every interview you do moving forward.
Also, your favorite actor is Jon Hamm.
Your favorite rapper is Nelly.
And you will go on Andy Coehn’s show when you play the Mets in NYC.
Just trust me on this.
5) It’s an Arch.
Yes, you can go up in it.
Nope, it’s not going to fall over during a storm.
6) I know you’ve been in some YouTube videos. Maybe you’ve got more planned for the off-season? Of COURSE you should do you. I hope they’re massive hits!
But… just so you know…
Midwest people are less used to this:
And more used to this:
We’ll come around to the former, eventually.
Just give us a little time. Ease us into it.
Heck, man… there’s like 10,000 more things I want to tell you about our city, but you got boxes to pack and endorsement deals to sign (have your agent holler at Johnny Mac’s), so we’ll save it for another time.
Just know it’s going to be good having you around Busch Stadium next season. Great, actually.
Unless you guys go 5-14 against the Cubs again.
Then there will be quite a bit of talk about that 325 million.