For once, Harrison wasn't hemorrhaging hyperbole.
The Bachelorette 'Season Dez' was on the brink of not only going down in the books as the most bland season of the franchise's glorious history, but jeopardizing the show itself.
But sometimes, from the ash will rise a phoenix. And last week left the finale shrouded in mystery.
1) Will Brooks come back?
2) Will Dez pick Drew or Chris? If so, what do they say after watching last weeks episode?
3) Will Dez quit the show all-together?
These are the only three options. And all make for some compelling TV. I mean, you really can't tell a guy you love him, get dumped and then accept a proposal literally a week later.
You can't take back Brooks after he told you that he's never going to have that spark with you he needs.
And — holy shit — you can't LOSE The Bachelorette. This isn't Wheel of Fortune or Press Your Luck.
7:08 – Dez tells Harrison that she plans to move forward with the show. As a guy, I can tell you… this is a BAD idea. A man card will be at stake during this 'After The Final Rose' ceremony. Will it be taken?
7:16 – It's like she it totally oblivious she's on TV. She's openly weeping in front of two men she's dating… BECAUSE SHE GOT DUMPED BY ANOTHER GUY SHE JUST TOLD SHE LOVES! This is wild.
7:19 – Drew indicates he's ready to propose. (Rubs hands together deviously…)
7:24 – You know how I know you're reaching for content? It starts with "let's get some fan reaction from studio audience for a whole segment…"
7:37 – Drew is now getting dumped. This show is a boulder of heartbreak barreling down Mount Everest.
7:39 – I'm going to go out on a limb for Drew here and say that he's not being an incredible wimp, but instead, his mind pivoted instantly into "I play this right and I'll never have to worry about getting laid again" mode. Mission accomplished sir.
7:40 – By the way, is it over now? Are we done?
7:48 – Welp. You thought A-Rod was having a bad day, huh? Let's hope the NY Post and Newsday are at 'After The Final Rose'.
7:49 – You know you're ready for the season to end when you see Chris see a catamaran and try to figure out what rhymes with it for his forthcoming poem.
8:02 – Chris, you want to know what you're not going to be happy about? That Dez just told a guy two days ago that she loved him and that he was the one. Let's start with that.
8:05 – It's like we all know Chris far, far too well. Here comes the poetry.
8:24 – Why should Dez choose Chris? Maybe because no one else is left. Also, the odds that the producers prompted Nate to ask about Brooks? 1,000,000,000,000,000 to 1.
8:42 – "I don't have a clue what I'm going to do." I have to believe this isn't the best mindset for entering into a proposal for marriage.
8:52 – OOOOF.
8:54 – Now, I'm not sure if Chris understood what was being said there. Because he's just powering through the whole, I got dumped, haven't stopped crying for a week and I just pulled you up from your knee once.
8:57 – Well, there goes another season. Not sure this one is going to survive last weeks episode. They'll put on a face for the 'After The Final Rose' show. After that? Not so sure.
NEXT WEEK: Season has ended.
Thanks for playing along this summer with The Bachelorette. Debatable if we'll be back for the next installment. But we'll see.