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Bachelorette Live Blog: Men Tell All

Last week brought the field of potential suitors to two: Jef with one f and Arie. While sending Sean to eternally chase The Maynard’s love. But before we get the final decision (or not) it’s time to warm up the leftover men and see just how eager they still are to win a six-year-old. 

SIDE STORY: Yes, this is the show that we crashed last year with Fresh WC. Read all about our adventure and TV exposure. We’ve got a little throwback Bachlorette for you tonight. LINK HERE

Oh, and did we mention that it’s the return of HollyWolf? AWWWWOOOOOOOO! Wolf-Pack 4-EVA.

7:04 – More interview time with Harrison. At this point if you told me that Emily was MacNeil/Lehrer’s love child, I’d believe it. She’s verbal Ambien. 

7:15 – Emily agrees to do the ‘running man’. They’re just outright taunting Sean right now. Low rent, guys.

7:22 – Bachelor Pad returns? With random fans? IN.

7:35 – HollyWolf’s Louis Vuitton one liner KILLS again. If Channing Tatum can become a big movie star, why not The Wolf? Let’s make this happen casting directors. 

– Wolfner tires to mix it up, but Little Landon Lollipop pulls down Ryans pants and starts fellating him right there on stage. That was totally uncalled for, Landon. Wipe up and sit back down. Magic Mike is showing at 8:15, 9:45 and 10:50 right up the street.

SIDE STORY: Chris Harrison is a legit host. He does stand-ups in one take. He gets the most out of his interviews. I think the Today Show missed the boat going with Savannah Guthrie. Harrison is like a female version of Ann Curry. Could have been great with Lauer.

7:59 – Underrated moment from this season? When Ryan made Tony sit there and listen to his 8,000 word screed slash poem. Why didn’t he leave? How did he take it for so long? Why wasn’t this adressed?

8:02 – Chris = PWND. If you’re going to step up to Bachelor: Augusta you better bring heat. That was more like a dribble. 

8:04 – Oh, no. OH NO. Chris, dude. Now you’re just teeing Ryan up. You’re dad is at risk for execution if he returns to the Eastern Bloc for having such a daisy of a son. 

8:26 – Watching Emily cry over Sean, it struck me that she still used the Topsy Tail. Bold statement.

8:37 – Doug has been getting shit for weeks for his break-up make-out. But at the same time, he’s done something very few of us have done. Have you ever tried blocking a break-up with a make-out? It is NOT easy to get a thank you. 

8:39 – Kalon is an internet tough guy, eh? If you’re going to be a reality villan, own it. Stick to your Facebook post level of snark. Don’t bitch out. 

BLOOPERS: Stuff falling over, guys getting naked, Jef with one f being called Andrew, Wolfner eating a banana with the skin on, Emily likes to sleep with homeless men, lights go out. 

8:50 – “One of the best seasons we’ve ever had”? By what measuring stick, Chris?

8:57 – Who had the under on 3 minutes for a checkered flag reference for Arie on the finale? Cash your tickets. Producers couldn’t even wait until Sunday.

Going Home: Nobody

Next Week: The FINALE (Reminder: This is on Sunday night, not the normal Monday timeslot. Special Live Blog post planned.)