The Sports Daily > Cards Diaspora
The Bud Norris Parabola

Bud Norris made his major league debut against the St. Louis Cardinals and took a no-hitter into the sixth inning, ultimately going 7 and getting  the win.

Last night Bud Norris took a no-hitter into the seventh inning, ultimately going 8 innings and getting the win.

Along the course of parts of 2009 through 2011, Norris has racked up 5 other wins against the Cardinals. Against all other teams combined? Well, Norris has 9 wins. Total.

I don’t think it’s unfair to wonder if Bud Norris would have a job in MLB if the Cardinals weren’t in the NL Central and playing the Astros 19 games most years. Because Bud Norris is a very borderline right handed talent that seems to only be able to reach fifth gear against the Cardinals.

Further, after last’s night victory, I can’t think of one other pitcher in the majors that I’d rather have the Cardinals play against less than Norris. Not Halladay. Not Lee. Not ANYONE. Norris completely and totally owns the St. Louis Cardinals and it’s embarrassing.

It’s hard to pinpoint why.

Tony LaRussa’s teams have generally struggled against softer throwing left handed pitchers. Norris is a righty. A righty with not overpowering movement or velocity on the fastball. He’s actually the type of pitcher that teams like the Astros need to fill the roster. Go out, get 6 innings if you can. Don’t give up more than 4 or 5 runs and every once in a while pitch a good game. Not everyone can be a Cy Young winner, right?

A peek at his Baseball Reference page lists his most comparable historical comparison as… wait for it… Corky Valentine.

Corky. Fucking. Valentine.

Yet there Norris is, twirling another gem against a feckless Cardinals team. Unable to muster ANYTHING against the dude.

Plus his name is Bud. And that just makes the drubbings even more disconcerting. If Pujols can’t touch off against a pitcher named Bud, then I think the Cardinals might just have a case against a 300 million dollar contract.

Hats off, Mr. Norris. Hopefully the Cardinals just rest all the starters next time you take the hump against the Birds on Bat. It’s not like it can get any worse.