The Sports Daily > Cards Diaspora
The Free Agent Wrap-Up Post of Suckness

Gather ’round kids. This will be that moment when you realize your buddies athooks and HMW (middle and right, respectively) aren’t the geniuses you think we are (fucking Hooks always gives me the bunny ears; I was gonna score that night).

It’s really reminiscent of the day – maybe you were about 11 or 12 years old – and you realized that your dad wasn’t the best at everything, or the strongest guy in the world (unless your dad is Magnus ver Magnusson; for both). And when it came to picking where this off-season’s free agents would land – we looked like a couple of idiot assclowns who write for Fungoes or something.

(Oh. Just went to Fungoes to see what they’re all about. Okay, we’re still the idiot assclowns, not them)

With a small handful of meaningless FA’s still to go, Hooks has me kidnapped in the trunk, and on the way to Beatdown City:

athooks: 3 (M. Scutaro, D. Davis, A. Pettitte)

HMW: 1 (D. Davis)

Yup, you read that right. After predicting the top 25 free agents plus 5 wild card/take whoever you want picks – I nailed fucking Doug Davis. If I hadn’t looked it up, I wouldn’t have known who Doug Davis signed with (Brewers…watch out for them?).

We both have a few to go still:

Jermaine Dye (Hooks: Cardinals; HMW: Rangers)

John Smoltz (Hooks/HMW: Cardinals)

Carlos Delgado (Hooks wild card: Orioles)

Hank Blalock (HMW wild card: Cardinals)

Thus we need the team who won the huge one-man bidding war over Matt Holliday, and went on a spending spree with Brad Penny and Rich Hill, to get busy on three of the four guys listed above. And Carlos Delgado is out for four months due to oldness; so yeah, I’m calling it.

I know all of you hold us in the highest regard, and despite the fact that a monkey throwing darts (or better yet, poop) at index cards with team names could probably do better than us – hopefully we’ll get a free pass for sucking so bad

And technically, I don’t see anyone else recapping their Free Agent predictions, so maybe we are the best.

Oh, just heard Hooks say there’s some skank in trouble at The Pepper Lounge. To the Batmobile!