The Sports Daily > Cards Diaspora
You’re Invited! To a Party That Sucks!

Hey, guys!  Remember when the Cardinals used to win baseball games? Holy crap, that was FUN!  It feels like it happened so long ago.  Maybe I’m just getting old, but I remember back in the good old days, (like, two weeks ago,) when this team didn’t SUCK THE SOUL FROM MY FACE.  I felt so inundated with good fortune that even Cubs traffic couldn’t keep me down. 


The Cardinals used to win games, right?  I didn’t hallucinate this?  It’s like I have long term memory loss.  Or brain damage.  Or Alzheimer’s.  I don’t know what it is and I don’t care.  The fact of the matter is, we are in SERIOUS TROUBLE HERE, GUYS!!!
Can they just please stop doing this?  It’s embarrassing.  And frankly, it’s times like this that I wish I did hard drugs.  I bet you can’t find a crackhead in town that feels more desperate than I do.  (Probably a slight exaggeration, but I think you get my point.  Just say no, kids!!!)

This is the WORST.  Can’t we just go back to carving one out every once in awhile?  I don’t think it’s asking THAT MUCH. 

Ahem.  So, ANYWAY, here is a cute dog in a hat.  Because what the hell else are we supposed to be happy about? COOL PARTY!!!