2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

In the past two years, we’ve gotten Lost in a galaxy far, far away, as we’ve tried to predict the twists and turns of the NFL season.  This year, we aren’t playing around any more.  We are here to crack some skulls and bring swift justice to the NFL.  That’s right, we are looking for a dark tone this year.  With that, we give you the NFL in 2009…Batman style.

UPDATE:  Looking back over this season, I’d say we did pretty well.  Can you tell which conference we actually follow?

Prediction

AFC East

Batman Character Result Comment

Patriots

13-3

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Clooney Batman:

Looked like the hero, but the nipply batsuit was creepy and evil.

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

10-6

Seriously underperformed expectations.  Health of franchise in doubt.

Bills

7-9

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Killer Croc:

A classic case of alligator arms.

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

6-10

Doomed to live in the sewer

Dolphins

6-10

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Mr. Freeze:

Scares no one, but we can’t stop staring at it.

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

7-9

Defense needed thawed out

Jets

4-12

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Young Bruce Wayne:

Too inexperienced to hurt the real villains yet

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

9-7

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Batman Begins

You couldn’t ask for a better start to a franchise reboot.

Prediction AFC North Batman Character

Steelers

11-5

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman) Keaton Batman: Hard to argue with the success, but that doesn’t mean we have to like it. 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

9-7

A little overrated.

Ravens

10-6

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman) The Joker: Crazy is written all over his face. 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

9-7

Turned upside down, but still kicking

Bengals

6-10

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman) The Scarecrow: Equal parts disturbing and hilarious. 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

10-6

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

The Scarecrow (Batman Begins):

Not my choice for an ideal foe, but it worked out, I suppose.

Browns

5-11

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Chirs O’Donnel Robin:

Sexy is not the same as talented

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

5-11

A once promising career, now destined for second string roles

Prediction AFC South Batman Character

Colts

12-4

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

The Dark Knight:

The hero we deserve and the hero we need.

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

14-2

He’ll take the blame…even though it’s not his fault.

Texans

10-6

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Poison Ivy (BTAS):

Hard to resist the temptation

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

9-7

Get in bed with them, and you’ll get a rash

Titans

9-7

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Bane:

Worthy enemy known mostly for his physical prowess.

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

8-8

Will pound on you, but if you are smart you can beat them.

Jaguars

6-10

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Cat woman:

No one goes to see them.  Destined to get screwed by Batman

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

7-9

P–sy

Prediction AFC West Batman Character

Chargers

14-2

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Commissioner Gordon:

Good at his job, but not nearly as interesting as Batman

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

13-3

Second fiddle.

Chiefs

9-7

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Harley Quinn:

Not as brilliant as the originally criminally insane clown.

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

4-12

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Heist Henchmen

Getting offed early

Raiders

5-11

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Alfred (Batman and Robin):

Old man who keeps on helping out Batman.  Frankly, the relationship disturbs me.

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

5-11

Die already.

Broncos

4-12

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Two Face (Batman Forever):

A disaster from the moment we laid eyes on it.

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

8-8

First they’re good, then evil, finally pathetic.

Prediction NFC East Batman Character

Giants

11-5

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Mr. and Mrs. Wayne:

Tragically gunned down. The survivor never recovered.

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

8-8

Dead before the second act

Eagles

11-5

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Manbat:

The victim of a lame experiment gone horribly wrong

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

11-5

Got more attention than they deserved

Cowboys

7-9

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman) The Mad Hatter: Believes he is the protagonist of the story, but can’t nail the ending. 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

11-5

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Stately Wayne Manor:

Over the top, but functional

Redskins

6-10

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

The Ventriloquist:

No matter whose lips are moving, we know who is pulling the strings

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

4-12

Gums flapping, but no one is listening.

Prediction NFC North Batman Character

Bears

12-4

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Clayface:

Remarkably transformed, strong and adaptable

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

7-9

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Owlman

Throwing to the wrong team

Vikings

8-8

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Batman (Adam West):

Old and dated.  Lingering scent of cheese

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

12-4

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Old Bruce Wayne:

Don’t mess with this dude.  He may be gone, but you know he’s coming back.

Packers

7-9

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Bruce Wayne:

Batman without the hero complex

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

11-5

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Silver Age Batman:

Classic hero type

Lions

6-10

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Penguin (Batman Returns):

Disgusting…if you bother to watch

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

2-14

Still smells fishy

Prediction NFC South Batman Character

Saints

10-6

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Batman Squirt Gun:

Truly frightening weapon.  We aren’t sure what it is good for.

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

13-3

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Grappling Gun:

Multi-use weapon saves the day in inventive and unexpected ways.

Panthers

7-9

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

The Henchmen:

Interchangeable parts deliver a beating, but won’t ensure victory.

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

8-8

Cause a little chaos, but lack a competent point man.

Falcons

6-10

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Robin:

Young.  Seemed like a good idea at the time, but gets worse as things move along.

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

9-7

Heading in the wrong direction

Bucs

5-11

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

The Riddler (TV):

A lot more questions than answers

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

3-13

Has a screw loose upstairs

Prediction NFC West Batman Character

Seahawks

10-6

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Old Batman (The Dark Knight Returns):

He’s back…but he’s showing his age.

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

5-11

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Lego Batman

Broken into little pieces

Rams

8-8

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Nicole Kidman as Chase Meridan:

Totally out of place on this list.  Not at all where you would expect to find them.

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

1-15

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)Alicia Grissom:

uuuugly

 

 

Cardinals

6-10

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Rachel Dawes:

Rises from mediocrity only to die a painful death

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

10-6

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Vickie Vale:

Hotter than I gave them credit for

49ers

5-11

2009 Projected Standings (Batman) 2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Batgirl:

A thinly veiled excuse to dress up in tights

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

 

8-8

Barbara Gordon:

2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

Pretty useful from time to time.

Arrow to top