AP-Indianapolis:
In a stunning development today, popular Colts’ blog 18to88.com was instantly transformed from ‘weenie garbage’ to respectable journalistic juggernaut merely by the revelation of the authors’ real names. Spurred out of the darkness and into the light by the irrational ramblings of an aging madman who simultaneously rules two dying mediums despite no discernible talent, the intrepid blogging brothers revealed their true identities.
Response from the online world was a swift and decisive shrug of the shoulders. One reader said, “So the hell what? Why did I need to know their names? They could be called Osama bin Laden for all I care, as long as they make me laugh and analyze the game. Although, I can’t imagine his blog would be that funny. How many laughs can you really squeeze out of ‘Death to the Infidels’?”
Another reader said, “Wait, does this retroactively make all their previous entries “not garbage”? I’m confused…what metaphysical transformation just took place in the last two years of their archives?”
Still other readers hailed the revelation as “quite possibly the single most boring thing that has ever happened on 18to88.com. And that includes that time Demond accidentally published his grocery list by mistake. Wake me up when they go back to talking about football.”
Responding to criticism that their site “lacked access” and that they were ‘cowards’ for not posting their real names, the brothers embedded a page on their site to their real biographies. Said founding member Deshawn Zombie, “What the hell. No one cares anyway, right? Anyone can look up anything we’ve written for the last two years and check our track record. We challenge you to compare our record to that of Bob Kravitz…but you can’t find any Kravitz article online that is older than a couple of months. Apparently, he is too scared to have his full writing record exposed to the kind of scrutiny we invite. I guess he’s just a coward.”
The established news media was shocked by the news that the brothers have always used their real names in all official inquiries with the Indianapolis Colts, and have never denied it to anyone who asked before this Friday on the radio. Demond Sanders said, “Uh, no one had ever bothered to ask us the question before. Most people understand how the internet works. I guess Bob Kravitz is so hopelessly out of touch, that he’s confused about screen names. People use them everywhere; DJs have for years, but Bob probably thinks Carrot Top’s mom is named Mrs. Top. By they way, Carrot Top is awesome, right?”
The brothers debated waiting to reveal their true identities until the completion of DZ’s book. Since work on the book is nearly complete anyway, they decided to show how ridiculous Mr. Kravitz’s arguments are by putting their bios on the net.
“We are not ashamed of anything we write. Actually, we are proud that so many people enjoy our site. We just wanted to avoid hassle. Mr. Kravitz said we deserved to be taken seriously as long as we published our real names, so I guess he has to stick to his word,” said the elusive Mr. Zombie. “I didn’t realize that being a journalist was as easy as publishing your real name. No wonder they let Kravitz do that job. It’s something he can’t screw up.”
Contrary to Mr. Kravitz’s assertions, the brothers were not immediately ushered into the inner sanctum of the Colts complex, but were still denied the access they were never really 100% certain they wanted in the first place. “We don’t report news, we interpret it. We mostly write comedy pieces and statistical analysis. If we want a quote, we watch the streaming press conference or locker room interviews. I really don’t need to watch Anthony Gonzalez give cliche answers in a towel to do a better job interpreting events than Mr. Kravitz, but whatever, at least we aren’t garbage any more,” stated Sanders. “Besides, our ability to get press credentials (which we already asked about using our real names) didn’t increase at all by doing this. So, no, we aren’t surprised or disappointed. If access means that we would write as poorly as Kravitz about the Colts, then maybe it’s better not to have it. We’ll keep relying on the good writers at the Star to do their jobs well enough that we can comment intelligently on the team.”
Mr. Zombie and Mr. Sanders ask their readers to show discretion in judging them by their bios. They will continue to write 18to88.com in exactly the same way as always and using the same screen names they have for the past several years.
Links:
Jacksonville is almost as hilarious as we are
Peter King weighs in on Moore and Mudd. Frankly, I found his column confusing. He quotes Polian as saying “This is about 1 percent related to changes in the pension system.” Ok…then what is the other 99% about? That they are both old and want to retire? King only discusses the pension plan the rest of the column, so either he’s focusing on the 1% and ignoring the other 99, the 99% is just that they were ready to be done, or Polian was just blowing smoke. It was an odd way to discuss the issue to say the least.
Sports Radio Interviews writes up the appearances by DZ and BBS
Saturday wants Mudd and Moore back. I think we all hope something works out.
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