For two weeks now, we’ve hashed and rehashed this game. There’s nothing left to talk about it. It’s time to just play it.
Come Monday, you will all either be so happy that nothing I could do would add to it or so depressed that I won’t be able to help you.
Today however, we’re all nervous, excited, bored, worried, whatever. I figured that maybe I can cheer you all up.
Today, I offer it up to all of you as a happy distraction. Back when I worked at a video store, a buddy and I used to play a game where we re-wrote the endings to movies. Every movie had to end with the main characters saying the title of the movie and giving each other a high five. The movie would end with them in freeze frame. Makes sure you click the link (and read the comments) for some very good examples. Without further ado,
18 Movies Endings Greatly Improved By A High Five Freeze Frame
1. The Usual Suspects-Kevin Spacey limps out of the police station and meets his lawyer. Before getting into the car he says, “They never guessed that I was Kaiser Soze! That’s because I wasn’t one of the Usual Suspects!”. They high five…freeze frame.
2. Return of the King-Frodo looks at Sam and says, “I guess we showed Sauron who was the real Lord of the Rings!”. They high five…freeze frame. Disclaimer #1: I know the movie isn’t called Lord of the Rings. Sue me. Disclaimer #2: This movie is almost disqualified, because in Fellowship of the Ring, they practically did this scene. When Elrond proclaims “They shall be called, ‘The Fellowship of the Ring!'”, all that was missing was the high five. Great movie…awful scene.
3. Top Gun– Tom Cruise says to Ice, “I guess we showed those Russians who was Top Gun!”. Sexually ambiguous high five, freeze frame. Alternate ending #2: Tom Cruise tells Ice, “Would you like to see my Top Gun?”.
4. Return of the Jedi– Obi Wan, Yoda and Anakin appear to Luke as force ghosts. Obi Wan turns to Anakin and says, “Now that’s what I call a Return of the Jedi!”. Ghostly high Five…freeze frame.Disclaimer: This may actually get edited into the Blue Ray version.
5. Chinatown– Walsh turns to Jake and says, “Hey, whatta you gonna do? That’s Chinatown!”. High five, freeze frame. Disclaimer: That’s more or less what happened anyway? Right?
6. Platoon-Taylor says to the chopper pilot, “Man, that was one badass Platoon!” High five, freeze frame. Disclaimer: If Charlie Sheen had written his own lines, that’s what would have happened.
7. Raging Bull-An old Jake La Motta greets patrons at the restaurant with the line, “When I was younger, I was a real Raging Bull!”. He high fives the customers…freeze frame.
8. The Matrix-Neo steps out of the phone booth, turns to Trinity and says, “It won’t be long before we take down The Matrix!” High five…freeze frame. Disclaimer: This would have vastly improved The Matrix: Revolutions.
9. A Beautiful Mind-The Nobel committee announces, “We’d like to give the Nobel prize to Russel Crowe because he has A Beautiful Mind!” Norwegian high Five, freeze frame.
10. The Sound of Music-After escaping the Nazi’s Mr. Von Trapp says to Julie Andrews, “Hey! The hills really ARE alive with the Sound of Music!” Musical high five, freeze frame.
11. Brokeback Mountain-Jack says to Alma Jr.”You’re getting married? May I suggest a honeymoon on Brokeback Mountain”. Uncomfortable high five…freeze the frame.
12. Inglorious Bastards-After carving a swastika in the head of Hans Landa, he screams, “You Inglorious Bastards!” Aldo and Utivich high five, and freeze frame. Tarantino would have done this had it occur ed to him.
13. Pride and Prejudice-Elizabeth says to Darcy at the wedding, “I’m so happy we overcame our Pride and Prejudice!” Darcy gives her repressed Victorian eyes which say, “Oh yeah, we are doing it tonight!”. High five, freeze frame.
14. Star Trek II-Kirk turns to McCoy after watching Spock’s body soar toward the planet below and says, “I never knew how much we’d feel The Wrath of Khan!” Somber high five. Freeze frame.
15. There Will Be Blood-Plainview says to his butler who is shocked at the murder, “I told you all along that There Will Be Blood!” The butler shrugs, laughs, and they high five. Freeze frame.
16. Cider House Rules-Homer performs an abortion on a patient, who declares, “The Cider House Rules!”. Effeminate Toby Maguire high Five, freeze frame.
17. Dead Poets Society-Instead of saying, “Oh Captain, my Captain!” Ethan Hawk stands on his desk and shouts, “Thanks, Robin Williams for helping us start the Dead Poets Society!”. Everyone stands up and cheers and the camera freezes on a group high five. Way better if you ask me.
18. Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner-Spencer Tracy turns to Kate Hepburn and says, “I guess next time I won’t have to Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner!”. Classic actor high Five and freeze frame.
Feel free to add your own suggestions to the comments.