The first several paragraphs of Walkthrough today are as brilliant and funny as anything you’ll ever read. I laughed out loud. He’s a genius.
The Ochocinco-Collins skit disobeys many of the league’s end zone celebration rules. It was premeditated. It involved teammates. It had all the earmarks of an illicit celebration except the actual celebration. There’s no way Roger Goodell will leave such a pesky loophole unfilled. Next year, the rulebook will include language like this:
Meta-brations: Any premeditated act of excessive celebration that involves the deliberate abstinence from excessive celebration will be penalized as if it is an actual excessive celebration: 15 yards on the ensuing kickoff.
Further language will prohibit second, third, or nth degree meta-brations: Teammates cannot prevent teammates from preventing other teammates from celebrating if such prevention appears designed to enhance the overall illusion of celebration prevention.
In this way, the league will completely eliminate subjectivity from officiating.