Didn’t make that picture, but god, I wish we had!
Oh Senators, I almost don’t even want to write this article. It’s hard to hate on a team where half its players are unknowns, I even feel bad for their AHL team, whose locker room must look kinda like this right now:
Last Season:
Lets not beat around any bushes, last season was an embarrassment for the Senators. When you’re struggling to stay ahead of the Islanders and Panthers in the east, something is terribly wrong. After losing streaks aplenty, there was a veritable fire sale where they traded away Mike Fisher (must have gotten tired of him blasting Carrie Underwood’s awful music in the locker room), Jarkko Ruutu, Chris Kelly (thanks guys), Chris Campoli, Alex Kovalev, and Brian Elliot (ok they made out in that deal).
It was at that point that everyone knew the team was doomed.
After the jump, some disturbing numbers.
Top Five Scoring Forwards:
1. Jason Spezza: 21G, 36A, 57P
2. Nick Foligno: 14G, 20A, 34P
3. Milan Michalek: 18G, 15A, 33P
4. Daniel Alfredsson: 14G, 17A, 31P
5. Ryan Shannon: 11G, 16A, 27P
Oh dear god…it burns the eyes, doesn’t it? This isn’t exactly fair though since Erik Karlsson score more points than Foligno, Alfredsson, and Shannon, but he’s a Defenseman, not a forward.
Goaltending:
1. Craig Anderson: 11-5-1, 2.05 GAA, .939 S%, 2 shutouts
2. Brian Elliott: 13-19-8, 3.19 GAA, .894 S%, 3 shutouts
3. Pascal Leclaire: 4-7-1, 2.83 GAA, .908 S%, 0 shutouts
Ottawa had almost as many goalies as Philly, so for the sake of time, I chose the main three. The numbers really speak for themselves, it’s funny that Anderson actually did better after he was sent to Ottawa.
Looking Forward:
Rebuilding… it’s a nice way of saying “bear with us while we take your money and suck for a few years”. Hell of a way to spend your 20th year anniversary guys. No one is expecting anything out of the Senators, they are essentially out of the playoffs already in most people’s minds. They’re going to want to build on their young players around a core group of veterans, and those veterans are to set the stage for the youngsters to follow. Is there a bright future in Ottawa?
Lets start by taking a good look at the most senior member of the team, and I mean senior in the most literal sense of the word, Daniel Alfredsson. How much longer can the Senators continue to expect this one guy to carry them. He’s 38, hasn’t played a full season in the past 10 years, and is quickly on the decline. Building a team around this guy is about the equivalent of moving in with your grandfather, who’s slowly slipping into Alzheimer’s, and living off his social security.
But hey, Alfredsson is but one man, they still got a veteran in Sergei Gonchar, he’ll probably be off to the nursing home a whole year or two after Alfredsson!
And let us not forget Spezza, he’s a skilled player in his late 20s, and an assistant captain. He’ll be in a great position to mentor some young players should they find their way up to the press box while Spez is recovering from whatever given injury he has at that time.
But the real tragedy is that for all the moves and trades, Chris fuckin’ Neil remaining on the team. Anything I could possibly say about this waste of carbon is much better said in this Purrgeron exclusive. Needless to say, he’s a terrible excuse for a hockey player, and to quote Mrs. Finkle, “should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell”.
So is there a bight future in Ottawa? No, the future looks pretty crappy…like Skynet killing off humanity in the future crappy.
Where They Finish:
Does anyone really need me to answer this? Ottawa will be lucky if they don’t finish last in the Conference, let alone the division. Luckily for them, there are still the Islanders and Panthers. Aside from a miracle, things don’t look good for the Albino Spartans.
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