A lot has been said about “BiteGate,” most of it passing through the toothless mouth of Daniel “I-got-this-stache-after-tossing-Hartnell’s-salad” Carcillo. Really, this doesn’t deserve the attention it’s getting since it’s Carcillo spouting off allegations, but our hatred for him knows no bounds and we can’t let it go. If you haven’t see it yet, watch the scrum where Carcillo played dentist with Savard on NHL.com. First off, it’s hard to take anything Carcillo says seriously. Guy dives if you sneeze in his direction and takes cheap shots (like the cross-check to Savard’s head before the scrum). He’s about as useful on the ice as your appendix. Secondly, have you seen a hockey glove? Try wrapping your mouth around that. (That’s what she said.)
Things has like an inch-and-a-half of padding and curves inward. Plus, if you watched the video, you notice Carcillo is throwing uppercuts with his gloves on (speaking of being manly and cowardly), so you know those gloves are in a fist. It would take a lot of effort to bite him. Let’s not forget that Savard is trying to fend off two guys pummeling him in the head. Carcillo’s alleging the following took place: Savard grabbed Carcillo’s glove (while wearing his own gloves), forced a finger to straighten, stuffed it in his mouth and then clamped down — all while not being able to see what he’s doing since he’s getting punched. Seems highly unlikely, unless… He put his fingers in Savard’s mouth, like Savvy suggests. If that’s the case, than Carcillo got what came to him. You’re a fucking moron if you put your finger in someone’s mouth and don’t expect the reflex to be a bite. Of course the idea of Carcillo putting his finger in Savvy’s mouth sounded kinda silly to us, too. Is Carcillo really that retarded? We decided to go to the source and called up Carcillo’s mom.
Apparently this isn’t the first time Little Danny put his fingers where they didn’t belong. Here are some family photos Mrs. Carcillo shared.
Baby Carcillo meets Grandpa. Grandpa was always a bit of a drunk.
Lil’ Danny goes to the circus.
Danny goes to senior prom
But why would Carcillo try yanking out Savard’s teeth? Again, Carcillo’s mom offered us the answer.
All I want for Christmas are my two front teeth… my two front teeth…
Go Bruins.
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