The Sports Daily > Days of Y'Orr
Brian Burke: Boston Bruins operative

We’ve known Maple Leafs fans are a bit iffy in the sanity column for a while now, but we were still dumbstruck when we read PuckDaddy’s post about Leafs fans and media thinking Phil Kessel was picked last in the All-Star draft because he’s on the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Apparently this grand conspiracy was started by Nick Kypreos his crew over at Sportsnet.ca.

This entire video is nuts.

Is weed legal in Canada because that’s exactly what these assclowns were smoking. Holy hell.

“Toronto’s market can ill afford to take any more hits. Leaf fans already know where they stand on the scale of respectability, and a Leaf being picked last is another shot at a once-storied franchise. Watching Alex Ovechkin taking a cell phone picture as Patrick Kane announced “with the last pick,” you start to wonder how many around the league quietly enjoyed Kessel’s humiliation” –Nick Kypreos

The fact that the Canadian media needs to go and defend Kessel for being picked last in a meaningless puff-show game just shows you 1) Toronto is off it’s fucking railings and 2) How big of a pussy Kessel is that people need to constantly blow him to make him feel good about his situation.

We’re going to let you in on a little secret on why Phil Kessel was selected last.

Because he’s fucking Phil Kessel. Why can’t people just admit that no one likes Phil Kessel? He’s a tool. He’s lazy and thinks he’s 10x better than he actually is.

Here’s another reason why Kessel was probably picked last in a game designed for his type of play.

Zero points. Three shots. A +1. This in a game where there was 21 goals. He’s making Horton look good.

Leafs fans are lucky Kessel was even picked for the All-Star Game.

But since Leafs fans are so keen on conspiracy theories on why their beloved team sucks and why Phil Kessel was picked last in a dumb draft, here’s one:

Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke is a Boston Bruins operative.

That’s right. The Leafs front office leader is actually on Jacobs’ payroll. In fact, Burke is a robot secret agent being control by Cam fucking Neely at the Boston Garden. Why else would he trade all those juicy draft picks on an under-performing, unlikeable winger?

Here’s an idea, Toronto. Get over yourself. You’re not that special and neither is your team. Phil Kessel sucks. Nothing else to it. No one likes him. You don’t even like him. You just pretend to like him because he’s on your team. Trust us, we know. We did the same thing when he was playing for the Bruins. We lied to ourselves about liking Kessel.

But no one likes Phil Kessel. And that’s why he was picked last in a meaningless game.

Suck it, Toronto.