The Sports Daily > Days of Y'Orr
Ference surgery successful; shares waaaaay too much info

Ladies love it when a man’s groin has scars

I’m sure the Gallery Gods are rejoicing after news rang out that Ference Captain Planet’s millionth groin surgery was a success.  He and Timmy Thomas went under the knife last Friday and we hear that both were seen hand holding and muttering something about their fat paychecks and not having to earn their keep, but that could’ve just be the anesthesia talking. Anyways, the Boston Globe is reporting that the surgery went well for Ference, and the healing process shouldn’t keep him from his fight against the Ecovillians and daily tree humping. It also seems that Ference was still a little woozy from the anesthesia when he spoke with the Globe because he gave way too much info about the whole ordeal.

“There was a lot more they had to do in there. There was more to it than the last one. I think it went through getting hurt, healing a bit, getting hurt, healing, so scar tissue was building up. It was all junky in there.” –Andrew Ference, Boston Bruins, Globe


“It was all inflamed from the Carolina series. There was a whole bunch of blood and the tissue was bad. This year was fine. It wasn’t all full of blood.” —Ference, Globe

There are somethings we can go through life without knowing… how much blood and scar tissue Ference’s groin has built up over a course of a season is definitely one of them. He also wants everyone to know that last year doctors repaired the left side of his groin. This year it was the right side. Next summer doctors turn him into a eunuch. So glad the Bruins signed him for three years, $6.75 million. Ugh. But remember….

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