I apologize that this is my third fucking attempt to write this post because Google Chrome sucks more balls than a Kardashian family get together (sponsored by E!). Seriously. I wrote out a beautiful post the first time, went to hit “apply” and the only thing Google Chrome applied was a fist to my testicles. So, stupidly, I typed out a not so beautiful post in hopes to get something out to the masses before the Bruins take on the Oilers and Hall/Seguin are 45 years old. Again, hit “apply” and nothing happens. So I said fuck it, opened Mozilla Firefox and am now working on my third edition of Grindin Gears, which will probably be the equivalent of a prom night dumpster baby.
So take that for what it’s worth. Also, the term “Prom Night Dumpster Baby” is a fantastic term and I feel should be included in everyone’s everyday speech. So for those of you who’ve been playing the game correctly and following along with all my ranting and ravings about the Boston Bruins, you know that I haven’t been to happy with the “product” put on the ice. Since we’re on the topic of babies, the Bruins have been playing a reversed birth. October was clearly the placenta, something no one ever wants to see because it looks like a bloody, dried up soccer ball. When the Stanley Cup Champions end the month in 14th place overall in the Eastern Conference and aren’t bit hard by the injury bug, you know something is wrong. People chalked it up to a Stanley Cup Hangover. People chalked it up to poor chemistry. Some people even wanted a trade to happen after a home and home sweep by Montreal. Shit, some people wanted the Bruins to claim Sean Avery off of waivers to give this team a little kick (not a baby pun, I swear).
Enter November. The glorious birth of the real Boston Bruins. After the placenta was taken off of the slab and thrown in the trash, the screaming, bloody and beautiful Boston Bruins came shooting from that black hole and burst through the NHL world without much warning. It was beautiful. It was a precious. It was about fucking time. Boston is 3-0 in November. Boston is 3-0 since Pizz shaved his face and became Marc Savard’s doppleganger. Boston is 3-0 since Jon ended his life by getting engaged. Like I posted on my Facebook account: Tha Bruins ah clickin!
The best is that people are actually minimizing the Bruins victories. People aren’t satisfied that they beat up on Ottawa (who won 6 straight going into that game). They weren’t satisfied they beat up on the Leafs (who still lead the Northeast Division, btw) and they weren’t overly satisfied with the Bruins busted out the whooping stick and hit the Islanders so hard that Al Montoya woke up in 1985. Look, I know the Islanders are a bad hockey team, but good teams are supposed to kick the shit out of bad ones. Ottawa and Toronto though aren’t bad teams, not by a long shot. This isn’t 2010. These teams woke up along the way and realized that they’re pretty good, though I’m still going to say that Ottawa won’t make the playoffs. Toronto, though, is legit.
It also helps that the Bruins offense is awake. In October, the team scored 25 goals. That’s it. For all you math and stat nerds out there, that computes to 2.2 goals scored per game in the month of October. In contrast, the Bruins have scored 18 goals in November. This offensive explosion has put the Bruins from the bottom of the league in goals per game to 8th in the league. That’s a massive jump and it’s a huge relief that Seguin isn’t the only one netting goals. To piggy back on that thought, the power play has jumped up from 26th overall on 11/3 to 18th overall today. Again, you would like to see them be even higher, but based on everything we’ve witnessed in the playoffs I think we’ll all take a 16% success rate. The defense and penalty kill remains tops in the league. The defense is 6th overall in the NHL, allowing 2.31 goals per game and the penalty kill is also 6th, killing off 88.5% of the penalties taken. These are some good numbers and with an increased production, the hope is that the B’s won’t become lackadaisical on defense.
It’s a good feeling and it’s amazing to see the type of production a kid like Seguin is putting out. It’s not just Seguin, though. Lucic has come out of nowhere and quickly put up 7 goals, which is good for 18th overall in the NHL. If he can continue to score at this pace, while the 63-37-19 line continues their production then it gives the Bruins two formidable scoring lines which need to be accounted for. In the past, Boston would be lucky to roll out one real scoring line and use patchwork on the other three in hopes of a lucky bounce or two.
Also, welcome back Nathan Horton. No idea where you’ve been, but I’m glad you found your way home. Maybe he was sick of seeing all the fucking “Days without a goal” signs we made. You know, it’s funny that we starting ripping on players and they start magically playing better. First was Milan Lucic. Second was Nathan Horton. Jordan Caron better watch his fucking back.
After the jump…a few random thoughts
– Random Thoughts –
– Days of Y’Orr Fantasy Hockey Update:
- DOY1: Tyutin In The Staal: 1st overall in the Triple Crown Timmy Division. 2nd overall in the league. Record: 24-13-3. Current Opponent: Peverley Hills Cop 3 (aka @gahdengremlins). Ranked higher than Pizz, Jon and Justin.
- DOY2: Rum Hamuis: 1st in the Whalers Memorial division. 2nd overall in the league. Record: 23-10-7. Current Opponent: The Goon Squad. Ranked higher than Pizz and Jon. Justin is somehow still in first, but he smells.
As usual, keep screaming at the sky. Also, fuck you Luongo!