The Sports Daily > Days of Y'Orr
Here’s Your Daily “Alexander Ovechkin Is A Douchebag” Reminder

I hate children. Well, that’s a lie considering I have them but I hate other people’s children. I think it’s because I can’t beat other people’s children when they’re screaming through Target because they’re on a sugar rush from downing a large cherry Ice-Cee. I mean, my kid makes a squeal about not getting a toy and I’m quick to tell her to check herself lest she wreck herself, but some of these parents: holy fuck balls. Put your kid on a leash, or at least whip them with said leash until they’re cowering in the corner of the electronics section. 

Also, my friend Ali witnessed a mother giving her 8 year old (or around that age) son a large Dunks latte at a Bruins game. Imagine how fucking awful that kid must have been for the rest of that game. He was probably jumping on the seat like it was a fucking trampoline and then pissed himself because he was too excited to say he needed to use the bathroom.

But I’m sure this little brat didn’t deserve this:


Think about it like this: You’re 5-9 years old and your favorite hockey team asks you to be part of their pre-game ritual. You’re skating around the arena that you love to be in and them some dickhead snows you for no reason. I’d be pissed. 

Knowing Ovechkin, he probably apologized by banging the kid’s mother.