Penguins Win Regular Season Stanley Cup! BRUINS LOSE.

Waaaaaaaaaaah. Waaaaaah. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Chara. CHARA. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Wah. Wah. Wah. Torey Krug! MEAN. Waaaaaaaaaaaaah.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: It is HILARIOUS to see Jon bash Crosby. Jon has been giving Crosby reach arounds without question for years)

Crap. Sorry everyone. Sidney Crosby hijacked the recap for a second there and started to write it in his native tongue. In the immortal words of Wheatus, you must admit that he's a punk ass bitch.

INSANE pace to that game though. Sucks for the players on both sides though with every media outlet everywhere trying to hype the game like it was Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. It wasn't "like a playoff" game Pierre McGuire, Boston media and Pittsburgh media. Do you know why? BECAUSE IT'S OCTOBER!

Check a friggin' calendar. It's October. OCTOBER. O-C-T-O-B-E-R.

Seriously. Stop being lazy and using stupid ass "revenge" storylines and come up with some original stories to write about you monkeys.

What a game though. Sucks that the Bruins lost but hockey games don't come much better than that. The game was incredibly intense right from the puck drop an ended with more action than a Friday night gang bang in the 70s.

Awesome game to watch though. What it really came down to is the Bruins simply made a couple more mistakes than the Penguins and the Penguins capitalized big time. Pens are too talented not to.

Pens D was worlds different than the last time the Bruins saw them too. Pittsburgh's team defense SMOTHERED the Bruins for long stretches and Rask had to bail his team out several times.

Can the Bruins and Penguins just play each other 70 more times this season? All the players on both sides would likely be dead by the end. If for some idiotic reason someone you know doesn't like hockey make them watch this game. If they're still not a fan hit them in the head with a hammer because they should never breed.

– Rask was handing out bailouts left and right in the first period.

– That play Bergeron made late in the second when he came thiiiiiiiiis close to scoring on Fleury. That guy is pure magic. He completely schooled that long haired hippy Letang.

– Reilly Smith is still awesome. Kid has been sooooooooooooo good. Him and Bergeron are super friends!

– There was minimal talk about Cooke-Savard. Progress is delicious.

– Malkin might be ugly and a bit cowardly but the guy is an absolute beast on the ice. He looked like a man amongst Oilers defenders A LOT against the B's defense. Lucky for the Eastern Conference the dude can't stay healthy.

– Daniel Paille just NEVER gives less than 100%. Love you Paille.

– In the second period, Letang accidently nailed Pascal Dupuis in the mouth with his stick. That's not the "positive." We don't want players to get hurt. No, the positive was this hilarious quote from Seth Rorabaugh (@emptynetters) on Twitter:

"Next week on NBC Rivalries: Pascal Dupuis and corn on the cob."

Also, this is kind of badass:

– Marchand showing some rare commitment this season: Took a hit to get a pass off, got the puck back, fed a great pass to Seidenberg and then Bergeron was all like "Hey Chris Kunitz, this is how it's down you bitch!" and got a great tip in. TIE GAME COURTESY OF BEEEEEEEEEEEEERGERON.

– Appreciate your balls Caron. Really. Loved the effort. But you're not a fighter. But seriously though, appreciate the effort.

– Lucic and Orpik hit each other near center ice in the third and we all lived to tell about it. Thank you Batman.

– Crosby saw his life flash before his eyes when Rask went after him. Funny, Crosby only seems to act tough against guys way smaller and known non-fighters. With that kind of attitude he could be Buffalo's captain.

– Rask is such a hero. Clutch. Beast. In Tuukka We Trust!

– Boychuk making Dupuis eat ice when Dupuis jumped for the puck after an awesome Rask save was pretty awesome.

– Patrice Clutcheron. Wins a key faceoff against Crosby and B's get the puck to Iginla. Iginla continues doing his best Human Torch impression and BLASTS a goal past Fleury. HE'S ON FIRE!

– Patrice Bergeron made Sidney Crosby his bitch at the faceoff dot. Suck it Crosby. BERGERON!

– This entire game other than the Bruins losing.

– Sidney Crosby is by far the most talented player currently in the NHL. That is why it's extra disappointing that he's such a little bitch. In the second period, Krug barely touches him, Krug goes to skate to the bench, Crosby skates up and elbows him in the side them tries to fight Lil Torey Krug. It's fucking hockey Sidney. If you don't want to get touched, don't fucking play.

Krug didn't dish out a cheap shot or even anything remotely close to a cheap shot. It was incidental contact, and it was barely that. Can't wait for Crosby's agent to put out another Chara style video villainizing Krug. Crosby's about two steps away from calling his mommy during a game and telling her the other kids are being mean to him. Grow the fuck up Sidney.

– That whole, incredibly stupid "revenge" storyline the media was tossing around. Listen here media: YOU CANNOT AVENGE A PLAYOFF SWEEP IN A REGULAR SEASON GAMES. You're all dumb asses and I hate you. Even if the Penguins beat the Bruins 20-0, it's one regular season game. It's not like the Bruins and Penguins made an NHL sanctioned bet before the game and said that whoever loses the game isn't allowed in the playoffs this season. Do you people really have no imagination? Is this the best storyline you could come up with? That's sadder than an Edmonton Oilers game.

– Marchand, as The Rock would say, why in THE BLUE HELL would you skate into the Penguins zone with your head down while Orpik is on the ice? Orpik has slowed down but he used to be an artist at hard, clean hockey hits and he just showed you why. Paille could've told you why this was a bad idea you buffoon.

– Boychuk. We love you. We're obvious Boychuk fanboys. But what the hell were you doing on Kunitz's power play goal in the second? You didn't even challenge him. Kunitz had about ten years to perfectly position himself and his stick for a tip in. Amateur hour pal.

– To kind of steal Seth's joke above, Paille and Breakaways should be on Rivalry Night on NBC. Breakaways are Paille's kryptonite.

– Questionable hit there Thorty. We know you're a big believer in the Code and playing the right way though so we'll wait to hear your side of the story.

– Middle of the third period. Penguins on a power play. Refs then call a penalty on Letang for trying out for the Canadian Olympic diving team. Then Marchand just can't keep his mouth shut and gets a penalty. Awful Marchand. AWFUL. Tie game and you pull that shit.