Okay, so it sure as hell seems like Michael Conforto striking out in the All-Star game against Craig Kimbrel with the winning run on third base was the closest we’ll get to a World Series this season. But I say “poppycock”. The Mets can still salvage this season. And I’ve come up with ten ways the Mets can achieve this and make the playoffs. Now all of these have to happen for the Mets to have a chance to do this. We’ll start with the aforementioned Conforto.
1. Make Sure Michael Conforto Plays
Look, I know this seems easy, but its tempting to get Curtis Granderson and Jay Bruce at bats after Conforto has had a tough June. But even with a tough June, Conforto’s OPS is .945. Michael Conforto still provides the Mets the best chance at victory.
2. Return Jerry Blevins to the Lefty Specialist Role
After years as a lefty specialist, Jerry Blevins became a dependable crossover reliever in 2016, as righties hit .182 against him. But the league self-corrects, and now righties are hitting .343 against him. Now we know from Terry Collins’ use of Hansel Robles that he barely knows what a reverse split is, but surely he knows what a split is. If Collins is smart enough to return Blevins to the role he was best suited for to begin with, perhaps the Mets can steal a win or two out of it.
3. While You’re At It, Check Out Neil Ramirez’s Reverse Spilts
If Collins is going to insist on using Neil Ramirez in games that haven’t become Golden State Warrior games in December vs. the Knicks, then at least look at the splits. Lefties are hitting .213 against Ramirez while righties are hitting about three million. But that would require some creativity by Collins, who has as much creativity as a stick.
4. Bring up Amed Rosario for Heaven’s Sake
Look Sandy, I know you’re scared of bringing up Rosario and having to send him down again, but trust me. He’s not going back. Just bring him up to play defense, and consider any hits he gets in 2017 as gifts from God.
5. Sweep the Colorado Rockies
The Mets are eight behind the Rockies in the loss column for the wild card. A sweep is the only way for the Mets to regain relevance. This is is the last, final, last, last, final last, last final, last last, final, last chance for the Mets, and no less than three in a row will do it.
6. Rehabilitate Matt Harvey’s Shoulder The Right Way
Here’s what I suggest: Platelet rich plasma, a bowl of Syndergaard’s deer meat every day, and whiskey rubdowns. That will have him at full strength for the second half of the season. What, that’s not a great plan? Like the people that Mets came up with something better when they let his shoudler muscles atrophy? Yeah, I thought so.
7. Trade for Bartolo Colon
I don’t really think this will help, but it will win me popularity points with the masses, which will help me in my run for President. Metstradamus 2020.
8. If That Doesn’t Work, Sign Pablo Sandoval
Hey, the Mets still have an opportunity to sign a guy who loves food and can be had for the league minimum while collecting millions from another franchise. Pablo “Kung Fu Panda” Sandoval was just designated for assignment by the Boston Red Sox. It’s a marketer’s dream, it’s an owner’s son’s dream, it’s perfect. Just make sure Sandoval eats and wears collapsible belts. Metstradamus 2020.
9. Call up Tebow
Speaking of a marketer’s dream, did you see what Tim Tebow did last night?
Funny how all the fans Tebow brings to the park sit on one side of the field.
10. Kidnap Bryce Harper
Lay some Suavecito products on the ground and lead Harper to a box that will fall on him, then trap him and have him seen by “top men”.
11. I Can’t Believe You Made It To Ten
Look, I tried. But outside of divine intervention (which may be number nine), the Mets are probably done. But I’m sure they’ll entertain us somehow in the next three months, even when they’re not trying.