It's almost as if Scott Kazmir was merely biding his time … carving chess pieces in the shape of Victor Zambrano for nine years and change while he waited for his first ever chance to face the Mets. Kazmir was jettisoned from the Mets in much the same way Andy Dufresne was put in prison. The evidence that linked Dufresne to the murder of his wife and her lover was circumstantial. The evidence that Scott Kazmir liked the weed was also circumstantial. But that evidence got Kazmir traded to
Shawshank State Prison the Tampa Bay Devil Rays for Zambrano, and since then Kazmir has played the waiting game.
Kazmir was supposed to be piggybacked by Corey Kluber on Friday night, but Kluber was pushed back. So Friday's performance by Kazmir of no runs and twelve K's in six innings was a huge surprise in baseball circles. But if you're a Mets fan, the only thing you're wondering tonight is how the Mets have gone this long without having a former Met figuratively stab them in the hearts with a hypodermic needle full of ecstasy, Red Bull, and Aaron Hernandez's PCP. Of course Kazmir shoved it down the Mets' throats tonight. It's that dormant trade karma combined with the indisputable evidence that this lineup can't hit water if they spit out of a boat. The Mets struck out 15 times on Friday, with Andrew Brown (4) and Josh Satin (3) combining for half of them. How they got seven hits is beyond me, except to say that they got three off of pitchers not named Kazmir.
The Mets didn't help by matching Kazmir's zeroes, as Zack Wheeler was good but just a shade behind Kazmir. And Tim Byrdak, who was pitching in a spot which might have gone to Scott Rice had it not been for Rice's impending season ending hernia surgery (wait … hernia? You mean he pitches twice a day for five months and its a hernia that gets him?), gave up a grand slam to Nick Swisher, who pranced afterwards in a matter that would have gotten Jose Reyes arrested, and the Mets wear this one 8-1.
I'm sure that Kazmir would have rather gotten his revenge off of a good Mets team in a pennant race, and not this carcass. But hey, he'll take what he can get. Now he's off to Zihuatanejo to reunite with Mets minor league teammate Yusmeiro Petit, who came within one out of pitching a perfect game on Friday, which apparently has become 2004 Mets Minor Leaguer Night. Maybe Zambrano will join them on the beach, armed with a duffel bag full of cash and a jar of cortisone that Kazmir left for him.