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Eulogizing The 2016-17 Rangers

Before we get to the eulogy, I’d like thank our pallbearers Derek Stepan, Kevin Hayes, JT Miller, Marc Staal and Nick Holden for carrying the 2016-17 New York Rangers to their final resting place.

When Sam Rosen uttered his immortal “This one will last a lifetime” in 1994, little did I know that it might have to. Sadly, I’m beginning to sympathize with Rangers fans who celebrated the 1940 Stanley Cup and assumed the next one was right around the corner. 23 years and counting my friends. At this rate, the only thing that’ll keep my 5-year old son from being taunted with the modern day version of the “1940” chant I was heckled with in high school is that Islander fans will likely still be clinging to their 1980s dynasty.

Alain Vigneault said this about experience during the postseason…

“I believe in this group, and we’re going to rely on our experience,” he said. “With experience you can see things evolving a little bit quicker, and you can focus on the right things. You can play with confidence because you’ve been through it before. So very confident that our leadership is going to be ready. They’re going to bring it.”

In 1994, guys like Messier, Graves, Leetch, Anderson, Lowe and Tikkanen used their experience to overcome a devastating late game tying goal to do this…

Unfortunately, after apparently failing to learn from their own history of blown leads, it seems as if the current core were doomed to repeat it over…

And over…

And over again…

And at the forefront of those collapses is the Rangers lack of killer instinct under Alain Vigneault which can best be summed up by the below gif…

Maybe if Vigneault was as aggressive protecting a lead as he is chewing gum the Rangers might have found themselves in the Eastern Conference Final losing to the Penguins instead of on the golf course.

But you can’t completely blame AV when Jeff Gorton’s prescription for the Rangers glaring need to upgrade an aging, dilapidated defense last offseason was to ship out their best possession blueliner (rhymes with handle) and replace him with Nick Holden.

No need to stress though, only three and four years left on those unmovable Girardi and Staal contracts.

Similar to men overcompensating for a small penis, expect the Rangers GM to address his unflattering defense by significantly overpaying for Kevin Shattenkirk instead of re-signing Brendan Smith at a reasonable price.

It wasn’t all bad for Gorton this year, his inability to sure up the fourth line with a grinder at the trade deadline led to this…

…and his crucial game winning goal in Game 1 vs. Montreal. Sorry Mr. Nash, I’ll explain what a postseason game winning goal is after the service…

I’ll tell you what though, if Gorton really wants to build a Stanley Cup winner, he merely needs to find a loophole that allows him to trade current Rangers players to himself or buy out the entire team and immediately re-sign them…

While I normally don’t encourage gambling, if you don’t have all your money on Brassard and the Senators to win the Cup this year:

Let It Ride

In all seriousness, one way Gordon could improve the Rangers chances of parading down the “Canyon of Heroes” would be finally finding the right formula to repair their decade long incompetence on the power play. As long as it doesn’t include bringing back that bungling Mike Sullivan. Whatever happened to him?

Speaking of the Stanley Cup, let’s take a live look at Henrik Lundqvist attempting to keep the Rangers Cup window open…

At this point in the eulogy, you might feel like jumping into the casket with the Rangers 2016-17 season, but it’s not all doom and gloom. The Blueshirts have an exciting, young core of forwards who I’m sure Vigneault will look to ride next season. Right Pavel?

Oh c’mon Buch, you’ll get plenty of playing time in 2017-18. Right Alain?

Before throwing the final shovel full of dirt on the 2016-17 Rangers, I’d like to offer some advice for next season: clone Mats Zuccarello. Scoring, playmaking, grit, toughness, determination. He truly is the perfect player. Now imagine an entire team of Zuccs. It’s really the only way I foresee Lord of the Rings Stanley’s Cup returning to Broadway.

Remember to follow me on TwitterFacebook & Instagram or e-mail me at nyrfan94@yahoo.com.

13 thoughts on “Eulogizing The 2016-17 Rangers

  1. And let’s us say…..aaaaaaahhhhhh-men! AV is never going to deliver a cup. His team underperformed time and time again over the past two playoff seasons. He had the horses to go futher…but he had then running like a trotter at the Belmont. May be a good horse pulling the sulky (probably with Gilles Villimure in the seat) just not built for the race being run. Regular season is for trotters and pacers like AV…the playoffs is a whole different race.

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  2. Great read in a series of great reads. I can not wait to see how the front office disappoints us in the off-season.

    “Before we get to the eulogy, I’d like thank our pallbearers Derek Stepan, Kevin Hayes, JT Miller, Marc Staal and Nick Holden for carrying the 2016-17 New York Rangers to their final resting place. ”

    That statement deserves to be immortalized.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I was expecting a bit more analytical, less emotional post. Speaking for many of readers, you can do a lot better. A lot of us are not frustrated 25 year olds who have never played competitive sports and certainly have not curated a roster or coached an NHL team but are great at criticizing professionals.

    I am as frustrated as you but this is childish….

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    1. First off I’m 40 and played competitive hockey as well as NCAA Division I lacrosse. There are plenty of other blogs that take an analytical look at things. This blog is not one of them. I provide a fan’s point of view. It was a tough ending to the season and I figured Rangers fans needed something to cheer them up. I appreciate your comment.

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  4. Kevin , you hit the nail on the head with your explanation. You picked out the culprits who were responsible for the Rangers loss. You might have mentioned Scott Arniel who has no clue how to teach a power play! Or Av who fears rookie mistakes over veterans ineptitude. Maybe if Av knew how to speak to the veterans instead of letting them motivate themselves(See Boucher talking to his players) Man, we should have won!

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  5. Long time reader kev. Yeah this is a douchey post, but it’s got a lot of truth and fun to it. If you want to read about corsi and SAD! (trump voice) recaps of how we blew it, go somewhere else. To reversing hanks age and cloning zucc, amen.

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  6. Wow, I could say A LOT but for now just a few words starting with a big Thank You Kevin!!!! Love your wit. And insights and it helped make a tough season that shifted from promise to doom but you know, anyone who wants to call the blog douchy or whatever I reference the very wise Don Miguel Ruiz and his “4 Agreements #3 ( I think) never take anything personally… but I digress.

    This is a good team and with a few shall we say corrections could be a contender.. not a favorite but a contender. I don’t have to speak on AV… my thoughts exactly and I’m hoping Gorts might agree it’s time to part ways . I will however mention a few intangibles that don’t show up on A. Hemann’s corsi sheets and that being character and chemistry. Use your advanced stats as guidance, I mean all the character in the world won’t help you if every player has the Corsi rating of Dan G. But in building a championship team filling the roster with character players as long as there is skill is what matters most. Then there’s team chemistry and based upon the even less tangibles of intuition and body language there’s one player who’s suppose to be our top line center who just seems like he lost favor with his team mates and looked completely out of “Step”. He went from being invisible to being very visible in a bad way this post season. I’m not sure if I’m missing something like injury or what but this is a player who’s been a good playoff performer in past years pretty much matching his seasonal output and potting a few clutch ones and has always seemed involved, even with a broken jaw (oh right, he was faking. My bad). I am of the minority who still believes he can be a good player but I don’t think with the Rangers. I think moving him and letting Dan G. Go on a high note are a good way to start the adjustment process and I agree that Shatterkirk would be over paid and Smith has earned a decent offer. Until we drop the puck again… adieu to the best fans in the world!!!

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