If you’re the type of Brewers fan who tries to watch all the games – and let’s assume for the moment you are – you’ve probably noticed our beloved television announcers Brian Anderson and Bill Schroeder re-use many phrases. That’s perfectly understandable for two guys whose job it is to provide play-by-play and color to all but a handful of games in a six-month season. But after hearing them for several years now, it’s fun to think about what they might say instead of these well-worn classics. In fairness, most of these have been used for decades throughout the league, but there’s no reason they can’t be tweaked. As they say, innovation is the mother of ingenuity (they must say that somewhere).
1. “He’ll tell you he should have caught that”
Typically used when: Fielder fails to make a tough defensive play.
Potential alternative: “He’ll tell you that was a tough hop and only a gold glover could have stopped it. He’ll definitely be making excuses when he gets back to the dugout.”
Bonus alternative for Juan Francisco: “He’s probably happy he missed that. Otherwise he would have had to make a throw.”
2. “The normally sure-handed [insert player name]”
Typically used when: Fielder commits an error on a routine play.
Potential alternative: “You wouldn’t expect [insert player name] to clank that one, but nobody’s perfect. It’s not like the fans who are booing right now could have made that throw.”
Bonus alternative for Juan Francisco: “Well, what else would you expect from a slow grounder up the line?”
3. “He’s pitched better as of late”
Typically used when: Relief pitcher who has struggled within recent memory warms up after a commercial break.
Potential alternative: “Sure, he’s had a few rough outings, but who are you going to put in? Michael Gonzalez?”
Bonus alternative for Michael Gonzalez: “With the Brewers down eight runs at this point, it couldn’t hurt to give Gonzalez some work.”
4. “Good throw gets him”
Typically used when: Suboptimal throw fails to record an out.
Potential alternative: “Obviously a good throw would have gotten him. That’s really the defining characteristic of a good throw – getting the guy. I’m not saying it was a bad throw, but it could have been better. You know, by getting him.”
5. “Muscles one into the outfield”
Typically used when: Bloop hit gets down.
Potential alternative: “When a guy hits a sharp line drive, that’s ‘muscling’ one. Let’s say he flounced that one into the outfield. Yes, it’s in the dictionary.”
6. “Good clean slide”
Typically used when: Runner goes out of his way to break up a double play at second.
Potential alternative: “By ‘good clean slide’ I mean ‘legal play that nonetheless could have resulted in a serious injury.’ It would be a shame if he got a good clean fastball to the kidney in his next plate appearance.”
7. “Right on the outside corner”
Typically used when: Pitcher throws a strike that gets plenty of the plate, practically right down the middle.
Potential alternative: “Yep, he threw a strike all right. No need to elaborate, really.”
Potential alternative for Johnny Hellweg: “Whoa, is FoxTrax on the fritz or something?”
8. “RBI the easy way”
Typically used when: Batter draws a walk with the bases loaded.
Potential alternative: “How can they give an RBI when he didn’t actually bat the run in? What’s the deal with that? Has anyone ever noticed that before? I mean, it just plain don’t make sense. He didn’t ‘bat’ nothing. They should call it a run walked in, or run balled in – that would be…hey, where you going?”
9. “Last thing you want to do is walk a guy here”
Typically used when: Varies, but it’s seems to be common in save situations.
Potential alternative: “Henderson probably did that to challenge himself. Overcoming adversity is what gives Canadians the killer instinct they’re known for. Damn, he’s rugged.”
Bonus alternative for 2012-era Jose Veras: “Jose Veras in for the Brewers and issues his customary leadoff walk.”
Bonus alternative for Johnny Hellweg: “Last thing you want to do is walk a guy for the second time this inning.”
10. “That’s just the way it’s been going for this club”
Typically used when: Close call doesn’t go the Brewers way, yet another piddling indignity in the middle of a lost season.
Potential alternative: “At least we’re not Cubs fans.”