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Teixeira for Youkilis Trade Talks Heat Up as Yankees and Red Sox Discuss Blockbuster Deal

According to sources, an idea has been kicked around the Phillies’ organization about proposing a swap of slugger Ryan Howard for St. Louis superstar Albert Pujols (from ESPN The Magazine 3/14/10)

New York City (March 15, 2010)– Following on the footsteps of the Phillies and St. Louis Cardinals discussing a trade of their superstar first basemen Ryan Howard and Albert Pujols, talks between the Red Sox and Yankees have apparently heated up over a blockbuster deal that would send Yankee first baseman Mark Teixeira to Boston for first sacker Kevin Youkilis. The Red Sox issued a statement saying, “We know who put this out, and it’s simply not true.” But sources within the Red Sox confirmed that, after a David Ortiz for Yogi Berra deal fell through, both teams turned to the issue of swapping first basemen.

Philadelphia has also opened discussions with the Seattle Mariners to see if a trade involving the Phillies newly acquired starter Roy Halladay and fireballer Felix Hernandez could be finalized by Opening Day. And word from San Francisco is that the Giants have already inked an agreement with the Yankees to swap Cy Young Award winner Tim Lincecum for C.C. Sabathia.

“This is better than realignment,” stated Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig, who the Washington Times has revealed is also on the trading block in a deal believed to include NBA Commissioner David Stern and a box of deflated basketballs from the 1996 Olympics.

As the unprecedented flurry of blockbuster deals and trades continues, our sources confirmed yesterday’s report that the Atlanta Braves and the Minnesota Timberwolves have reached an agreement in their plan to switch franchise names. Starting April 1, 2010 the former Braves will be known as the Atlanta Timberbraves, and the new NBA franchise name will be the Minnesota Brave Wolves. “This is a deal that simply made sense for both sides,” stated the former head of FEMA Michael Brown, who brokered the deal. Brown had urged the teams to also switch their city and state names, but team owners just missed reaching a final agreement on that issue.

As we go to deadline, we are also hearing reports that Rhode Island is considering offers from several Western European countries to switch their entire populations with the diminutive eastern seaboard state. “For a number of very obvious reasons, we are leaning toward Denmark,” a source within the Rhode Island Statehouse confirmed. The Governor of Rhode Island had no comment, other than to verify the rumor that St. Louis Cardinals hitting star Albert Pujols will definitely be the centerpiece of any massive pan-Atlantic blockbuster deal.