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The Sports Daily > The Pensblog
RECAP 27: Blank Pages

What a sad, sorry, depressing place Buffalo is.

It should come as no surprise.  New York, as a whole, is a dumpster filled with whatever shit your imagination desires.  The people of Buffalo are miserable cretins determined to ruin everything good and shiny they’ve ever been gifted.  And with as dead and lifeless as the team and the fanbase are, there doesn’t appear to be much difference between Buffalo and Pompeii.

Hell, if I lived there, I’d welcome a volcano wiping me off the map too.

What’s more is this is a team that shouldn’t really be this bad.  Or, at the very least, on the upswing.  Maybe Dan Bylsma’s Cruciatus curse still runs deep. We feel your pain.  His coaching VD fucked with us for a while after he left too.

But when it’s all said and done, these shitheads were lost for the 3rd straight game to put them at 1-7-2 in their last 10….before the first period was even over.


LINEUP

Good news was had all around when Malkin was deemed fit to play, replacing McKegg in the lineup.  Recently not traded Ian Cole returned to the lineup as well after a 3 game stint with the nacho man.

FIRST PERIOD

The game opened up with an even feel to it with both teams trading off chances and after Eichel and Kane did some shit in the Pens zone, the feels fell off just 3:23 into the opening frame with Kuhnhackl getting a bounce to go his way, picking the puck up and jettisoning in on a breakaway from the red line in.  Got hooked more than a lady of the night and ended up getting his shot stopped by Lehner, but was awarded the penalty shot.  He bought himself some time, skated over to the bench and asked “Soll ich schießen?”  Aber ja! 1-0

The Pens kept shitting on the Sabres like Ronnie Radke shits on rappers going over 6 minutes without giving up a shot on goal, all while registering 6 of their own.  Before Lehner even had a chance to see the 7th shot coming at him, it was 2-0.  Once again, it came from a nice shift from the 4th line as Reaves and The Kuhn did some dirty work along the wall.  The puck popped free, Cole made a really nice pinch to put it on Ristolainen’s twice and as Risto tried to make some short pass in the middle of his zone to McCabe, Crosby picked the pass and picked the corner.  2-0

The game started to level out a little bit with the Sabres needing to be in a 2 goal hole to start realizing they were playing ice hockey.  They forced Jarry to make a couple of nice saves and after one of them, it was enough to be one of those “big-save-at-one-end-goal-at-the-other” type deals as the Pens jailbroke with Malkin lugging the puck through the neutral zone while Guentzel did his best Frank the Tank up the left wing, knocking the Malkin sauce out of the air, faking a shot, and notching his 7th in 7 on a wraparound with 1:55 to play to put this game to bed.  3-0

 

SECOND PERIOD

The Penguins still had a lot of the trail to travel without guys dying of dysentery.  To make life a little more difficult, they surrendered 16 shots in the 2nd period alone.  They also put the Sabres on the PP 3 times in the middle frame.

The PK, facing the 30th ranked penalty kill, would not falter.  Neither would Tristan Jarry.

Neither would Ian Cole, folks.

And when it looked like it’d be 3-0 heading into the final 20, Sheary-Crosby-Hornqvist put the Sabres in the blender following the 3rd penalty kill.  Crosby was the architect, Sheary the engineer, and Hornqvist the construction manager.  What a dance from Shears.  Bang.  4-0

THIRD PERIOD

Then, the bullshit started happening because Evander Kane eats rocks.  What a chickenshit player, driving Rust’s head into the glass before ripping his lid off and blasting him a couple of times in the back of the head.

“You’re a giant piece of shit.  You’re a fucking joke.”  Also worth noting that it should be considered a crime against humanity that Rust shaved that majestic mustache he was sporting.

Game.

NOTES

  • May have been the best the PK has ooked all year.
  • Really great game for Jarry.  Not willing to go as far as saying he’s arrived just yet.  He shutout a team that has now be shutout for 3 straight games, sooooo.
  • Buffalo fucking sucks.

We get to do this all again in about 30 seconds as both teams show up to Pittsburgh for the second of the home and home.  Go Pens.

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