Howdy kids. Today we’re going to see one of the rarest animals on the planet, aw crikey! We’re going to look at the natural habitat of the NFL Zebra to see how it reacts in certain situations. I hope you’re excited kids!
Howdy kids, we start off our adventure today by watching the sacred ritual of the zebra: flipping the coin.
Steelers win: defer.
What a play.
Troy makes some good moves on the return, but it gets called back to the spot of the INT on offsetting penalties after the pick.
Crikey kids, right off the bat we see the zebra confused as he has to go watch what he just saw in a little TV booth.
Parker scoots for 4, then Ben finds Hines down the sidelines for a big gain to get inside the 40. Air it out Arians takes a shot deep against a cover-2 which is almost picked off, but it was worth the shot early to test them. To make matters worse, Ben gets sacked on 2nd down, forcing a 3rd and long. Moore gets a dump-off pass that he takes for 13 yards, leaving us with 4th and 5. With a sloppy field, we should have either punted or gone for it, but instead we opt to try a 51-yard field goal, which Reed misses badly. That’s his first miss of the season, but you can’t really blame him for it. Bad coaching decision.
San Diego takes over at the 41 and goes to work. LT rips his biggest run of the game for 12 yards, but then gets stuffed for nothing. The Chargers do nothing on a free play where Smith was offsides, but Smith gets his revenge quick by stuffing LT on 2nd and 5. Rivers converts the third down with a 17-yard pass to get the ball inside the 25. After LT gets stuffed again, Rivers takes a shot for the end zone.
Crikey kids! Here we see the zebra performing a time-honored tradition: blowing a call! I bet it won’t be the first time we see this happen.
The Chargers get a gift touchdown as they get the ball on the 3 off of a pass interference penalty on a clearly uncatchable ball. LT takes it in.
Gary Russell grinds out a pretty good kick return to get the Steelers the ball across the 30. He’s not fast or flashy, but he follows his blocks and is hard to bring down.
Parker runs the show for 12 yards on the first two plays before Ben hooks up with Spaeth to get the ball to the 50. Parker gets 4 on 3rd and 1 to keep the drive alive and then comes back with a rip of 13 yards to move the ball inside the 35. Ben hits Holmes on a great slant route that he turns upfield for a good gain but-
The zebras are getting really frisky on this one! The great thing about watching zebras in the wild is you never know what you’re going to see. But make sure you keep a safe distance kids!
Willie Colon, an offensive lineman, is called for being off the line of scrimage. He’s a lineman. He has to be on the line. But the clock is unfased. He comes back and hits Hines with a short pass that Hines turns upfield for a huge 30-yard gain to get the ball down to the 8. After Parker gets halfway there on first down, our moron offensive coordinator decides to go 5-wide. Well, guess what happens when you only have 5 guys blocking? Ben gets sacked. Ben takes a timeout to wash his hands of the last play and finds Nate running across the field who makes a lunge for the goal line…
Crikey kids, zebras are known for their incredible nearsightedness. They can’t be trusted to see anything more than a meter in front of them.
Nate is called down at the 1. Replay showed he was in, but Tomlin refuses to challenge. Instead, the geniuses that be decided to go for it on 4th and goal, and instead of a QB sneak or a run up the middle, or even giving it to Parker, they decide to run Mewelde Moore to the outside. Yeah, it got stopped.
Keisel and Farrior stopped Tomlinson for nothing on first down as the quarter expired.
Parker gets 6 and Hines reels another one in for the first down and more. Nasty Nate hauls in a 2nd down pass to set up 3rd and 2, where the Steelers go 5-wide, but dodge a bullet when Ben hits Moore along the sidelines for 4 yards. Just when it seems like things are coming together.
Let’s not forget that in ancient cultures zebras were seen of deprivers of hope and bringers of woe.
Hines, or the “Known Offender” as he is being called in the locker room, gets called for holding. Short passes to Parker and Hines get us back to 3rd and 10, but Ben is sacked, ending the drive. Our punter looks like a joke after what San Diego’s just did, and he only manages a 30-yard kick.
The LT show looks like it’s about to take over the world on the next drive until Polamalu blows up a play in the backfield and San Diego gets called for their only penalty of the game, a false start which the refs had to call, to their chagrin. Woodley makes a great play in pass defense on 3rd and long to force a punt.
Ben dumps a short pass to backup tight end Sean McHugh who rumbles for 15 yards to move the sticks. After an incompletion, Ben hits Hines for a solid gain that looks close to the sticks, but not quite. Moron Arians calls another off-tackle run on short yardage and what do you know, it gets stopped. I bet they didn’t expect that one, right Bob “Huge douche” Smizik?
Even the punt team isn’t safe from the zebras. Sproles calls fair catch, but then starts to run with it, so Anothony Smith tackles him…and gets called for catch interference.
Rivers comes out and hits Jackson for 8 yards, but Woodley stops LT in the backfield and Brett Keisel comes up with a HUGE sack on 3rd down…
Which he caps off by doing a little “Row the boat” celebration dance
As the clock winds under two minutes, you would like to see us put some more points on the board. As San Deigo starts with the ball near midfield, you come to the conclusion that the defense is going to have to produce something, because the offense sure isn’t.
Another interesting trait of the zebra is it’s inability to make decisions. It will often go back on what it previously decided.
The refs overturn a called-incompletion on the sidelines, giving San Diego even better position. Two plays later, Rivers dumps one off to LT who makes a mad dash down the sidelines before Tyrone Carter gets him at the 17. It was looking like Bad News Bears, but enter James Harrison. On a pass intended for a tight end not named Gates, Harrison jumps the route and pulls in a HUUUUUUGE interception to stop the drive and take it the other way.
What is it about linebackers making interceptions against San Diego?
Punt, Pass and Kick
My dad noted we needed “a bloop and a blast” to get back in the game.
With runners at the corners, Reed blasts one to center field for a 3-run homer.
San Diego looked ready to go 3-and-out after Willie Gay made a great stick on 2nd down, but Rivers converted, keeping the drive alive. Rivers continued to light things up, hitting Chambers for a first down then scrambling for another one to move the ball into Steelers territory. The ground game took over from there as LT picked up gains of 9 and 10 yards to get the ball inside the 25. Things were looking dim when Rivers hit Jackson on 3rd and 10 to get the ball down to the 6 and LT picked up 2 yards on 1st and goal. But veteran players make big plays when the time calls for it. Ike gets a great jump on a pass for Jackson, breaking it up. On 3rd down, Rivers lobs one for Gates in the corner…
Do yourself a favor. Just watch the video of the final drive. It’s too good for words.
Polamalu gets screwed out of a touchdown. Search for it on YouTube, everyone’s calling that the game was fixed. Apparently Vegas made some $160 million because the Steelers didn’t cover the spread. The refs even admitted it was the wrong call.
Offensive Game Ball: Jeff Reed
Hines probably deserves this one, especially for the huge catch he had to set up the winning field goal. But Reed did all the scoring and he came through in the clutch once again. Reed deserves to go to Hawai’i this year, and he just might get the chance if he keeps it up. I don’t know if Hawai’i is ready for Jeff Reed though.
Defensive Game Ball: Troy Polamalu
So maybe Harrison deserved this more for his sack, INT and safety. But Polamalu played a great game shadowing Gates around the field, holding him to 2 catches for 10 yards and helping out in the run game. Troy had a great INT and a fumble recovery for a touchdown that the refs screwed him out of.
- A win is a win. Style points don’t count in the NFL.
- We still control our own destiny in the division and for the #2 seed, as the Jets have 3 conference losses
- 400+ yards of total offense and only 9 points?
- We need to find a way to get the ball in the end zone
- 6 quarters without a touchdown
- Ben remembered which color uniform we were wearing today
- At least we have Cincy on the short week. Any other team might have given us trouble.
- Worst officiating crew since Phil Luckett.
- The NFL may have to put an asterisk in their record books next to “The Only 11-10 Game Ever*” *-but it should have been 18-10 as a touchdown at the end was wrongly called back.
- The Steelers should get credit for two wins for this game because they beat the Chargers and the Zebras.
- Over/Under on Steelers getting fined this week is 4 1/2.
As always, Mellancamp says it best: