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2012 NFL Draft-or-Bust Off: Rhett Ellison

Welcome to Purple Jesus Diaries’ 2012 NFL Draft-or-Bust Off where we cover all items related to the 2012 NFL Draft as pertains to the Minnesota Vikings. At this point in the year, we will continue reviewing this crop of draft picks. We’ve already looked at Matt Kalil, Harrison Smith, Josh Robinson, and Jarius Wright, so today we introduce you to the Minnesota Vikings’ next great fullback, USC fullback Rhett Ellison

WHO? Aw shit year, Rhett Ellison! 6’5″, 251 pound tight end SLASH fullback out of the University of Southern California. UH, WHITE GUY!! Assured a roster spot because of that fact alone, right? And there is this – Rhett Elison went in to the draft not expecting to be selected. Instead of spending his day watching the draft results unfold, he was out on the river with family and friends preparing for a life outside of football. To the lay person, we all assumed this just meant he wasn’t good enough to get drafted. The cool reality though, is that his former football playing dad told him that you can never tell what will happen with the NFL and prepped Rhett to have other plans. In a way, that’s the kind of non-selfish, unassuming attitude that makes the world a little bit better of a place, and clearly will make this Vikings team seem like less of a bunch of bumbling prostates out on the field. And the truth is, he might be good enough to actually help this team, as several people a lot smarter than me liked the draft pick and his potential. Who knew?!


Rhett’s N’ Effects, Congressman Keith Ellison, Rhett Kleinsasser, and many others. What do you suggest?

HE BE TWEETING? There is a Rhett Ellison on Twitter, but I’m a thousand percent sure it’s a spam account. So, dealing in the real world, no, it doesn’t look like Rhett Ellison is a Tweeter.

From his NFL.com player analysis profile:

Ellison is quick off the line of scrimmage for his size and understands how to stem to avoid jams. He is a decent route runner who will get covered but can separate at the top of routes. He catches nearly everything thrown to him is a very good in-line blocker.

Anyone know what “stemming” means to avoid jams? What is this, a wine tasting event? Use some real words, god dammit. OK, so this description doesn’t say too much besides the fact that he’s probably solid. 4th round pick solid? Don’t know, but ultimately it won’t matter. Ellison also has high praises coming from other coaches and scouts who have preposterously been quoted as saying USC’s offense occasionally ran through Rhett last season. Fucking Lane Kiffin. Think about that – Your offense with a stellar quarterback, amazing receivers, and clearly the best left tackle in college, ran through a tight end that is always covered on passing routes. But whatever. Apparently it worked, because Ellison was also seen as one of the best tight end SLASH fullback options in this year’s class, which was as deep in hybrid fullbacks as I am in thousand dollar bills. BLOG MONEY! Rhett is also a bit older, having redshirted and THEN played four full season at USC. That’s a lot of time to spend in college chasing hot Californian tail, and I don’t blame him one bit. It just means he’s a seasoned vet already!

Also from NFL.com player analysis profile:

Ellison is not very fast, nor is he a quick-twitch athlete. This is evident when he is running deep routes and trying to work upfield. He labors to move at times and can struggle in hard cuts on his routes.

Jesus. Kick a guy while he’s down, why don’t ya. “Labors to move at times?” What is he, a fucking beached walrus? Also, why would we want him running deep routes? he’s going to be our second or third tight end on the field. “Rhett, do a 20 yard post route! BREAK!” Not even I think Musgrave is that big of a doofus. The knocks on Ellison seem to be that he’s either A) incredibly average and that pisses people off because THEY want to be incredibly average and play in the NFL or B) not a top-5 skill position player, which is stupid because by definition then, at any skill position, there would only be 5 players best at it. So Rhett is good but not great, solid but not fantastic, a Macallan scotch but no Penderyn whisky. And that’s fine. They’re both pretty good.

Well, it’s clear as day that the only reason he was drafted was to replace Jim Kleinsasser. Let’s just get that out of the way. I mean, they are even going to be wearing the same number for the Vikings! It’s ridiculous. But it’s this exact role he’s going to be expected to play both on and off the field. On, be a solid blocker that catches occasional 5-yard safety net passes and sticks with the team on the cheap for your entire career, and off, be a swell guy that doesn’t get in trouble for fucking in a stairwell or trying to choke your child with a plastic bag over their head. Pretty simple stuff to avoid. Ellison is likely to be able to accomplish all of that, and after reading a bit more about his unassuming story of not expecting to get drafted, I kind of actually like him more. He’s like one of the dudes, one of us wieners, that just ended up in the NFL because other people are stupid enough to draft you. Hey, not our problem, buddy! Go fight one for us normal guys, Rhett! We’re behind you, like 92%! That’s still pretty good!