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Aaron Rodgers Takes a White Load in the Face










In a move that was TOTALLY unexpected, you guys, Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers was COMPLETELY taken by surprise during a media session Monday when fullback John Kuhn snuck up on him from behind and lit his face up like a scoreboard with a thick white substance. Rodgers, who appeared to be amused, aroused, and angered, finished his interview covered in the sticky matter, but was heard softly panting as he paced by reporters.

See video of the incident after the jump.



The incident on Monday was perplexing to many of the onlookers. It seemed like a good natured, boy-on-boy prank between two teammates that spend a lot of time in the shower together, but Rodgers' haughty exit left people wondering. Was there some bad blood between the two players? Was Kuhn somehow feeling jilted by Rodgers distributing his balls to other receivers? Could you even call it jealousy, perhaps? Was Rodgers embarrassed that Kuhn made their quarrel so public? Was it a spat meant to be had behind closed closet doors, where they could talk to each other personally, on a deep connected level, look into each other's eyes and promise things would be different in the future? No one knows, but Rodgers' silence spoke volumes.

Investigators were quick to the scene to try and determine what the substance was which Kuhn used to spray Rodgers' face with. Once it was determined not to be a biological weapon (but without ruling a biological origin of some kind out), the forensics team started to consider other possibilities. The next immediate thought was that Kuhn had taken note from the old baseball trick of smashing a players face with a pie. But this substance – while crusty with a hint of meringue coloring on the edges – lacked the flavor profile of a classic Baker's Square delicacy. Rather, flavor experts were brought in to judge the substance, and by the color that drained from their face immediately after testing, reporters were able to gather that it was offensive in nature. When asked for comment on what this perplexing shot of goo could have been, the specialists were quick to pack up their things and storm out as quick as Rodgers did, saying, "No comment … No one ever speak of this again or everything will be destroyed. No one!"

Regardless of the intent or the product, it appeared most likely to be an enjoyable time in the Packers locker room Monday after practice, despite the glossy mess left all over the floor in front of Rodgers' closet. Other teammates were seen giving back rubs, sapping towels at each other's buttocks, giggling and combing each others' hair, wearing hand towels instead of shower towels while gallivanting around the room with Elton John blaring in the background. Outside of the facial Rodgers received, nothing else seemed out of the ordinary in Green Bay.

And unless someone in the know speaks up, that is likely how it will stay – One big, happy family.