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At Least Chris Johnson Settled This: “I Am Still the Best Back in the League.”

Hey guys, remember that Chris Johnson guy? The hold-out who ran for a total of something like 13 yards in his first five games last season? Yeah, him. Well, he’s “back” and more dangerous than ever, and also touting himself as the best running back in the league. From a recent Pro Football Talk article:

“I feel I am still the best back in the league, and I have no problem saying that,” Johnson said, via Jim Wyatt of the Tennessean. “None of the active backs have done anything that I have done in the first four years, even though I had a bad year last year. So I still feel like I am the best back in the league.”

/Insert “Not this shit again” GIF.

Listen up, you clown, you are NOT the best back in the league, and quite frankly it’s sacrilige to suggest so. And yes, you DID have a shitty season last year. You don’t get a free pass on that. That bad season and poor performance is all on you. “But my offensive line was crap last year! They didn’t block for me! I couldn’t perform to my expected abilities!” Sure, sure, and having Bryant McKinnie and Charlie Johnson block for your entire career isn’t a handicap either, is it?

Chris Johnson can choke on one. This claim that he’s the best back in the league is ridiculous. Fact is, Purple Jesus without question the top dog as far as current crop of running backs go, and it’s not even a competition. In fact, I would go so far and say that even with a broken leg, god awful offensive line, and community college coaches calling his plays that he’s still better than Chris Johnson last year, this year, and for the next four years.

Is this blind homerism? Yes. But there is SOME factual information to back this up. Let’s look at the evidence:

  1. Chris Johnson is stupid and ugly. This is a proven fact. Purple Jesus is handsome and well spoken. Clearly, this makes him a better human being and better NFL running back.
  2. In a season shortened by a leg injury, Purple Jesus’ stats included 208 attempts, 970 yards, 4.7 yards per carry, 13 total touchdowns, 139 receiving yards, 1 fumble on the year, and balls so full of swagger they were like swollen papayas. Chris Johnson? 262 carries, 1,047 yards, 4.0 yards per carry, 4 total touchdowns,  418 receiving yards, 3 fumbles, and the worst start to a season in recent memory. So, in essence, he needed “only” 54 more carries (almost the equivalent of three more full games?!) than Purple Jesus to “wrack up” 77 more yards. BRAVO, DOUCHE PICKLE!
  3. His career stats are fine. Solid even! But they’re no Purple Jesus. He had 5,600 yards, 38 TDs, with essentially one outstanding year? Doesn’t quite stand up to Purple Jesus’ 6,700 yards and 64 touchdowns in one extra, injury shortened season.

In conclusion, go trip on a Shanko, Chris Johnson. You had one fantastic season in your career. We may as well call you Larry Johnson, or Shaun Alexander. As far as REAL football fans are concerned (and for the record, the ONLY “real” football fans that are out there are those who cheer for teams in purple … So the Vikings and the … Ravens! or whatever …), Purple Jesus is the only running back in consideration on this topic right now, crippled and all. 


Come back next year when you score another 30 touchdowns to match PJ’s career totals and then we’ll talk. Moron.