Let me make one thing clear first here. I don’t think, nor do any of the other PJD readers, at this point in our lives anymore that athletes are anything other than normal people who get paid too much to run around and hurt each other for my sheer and utter enjoyment. No one in their right mind in this day and age is going to consider an athlete to be a role model (not like a parent should be) or someone that they aspire to be as far as values, ethics, and levels of respect go. Sure, there are some great people out there that also happen to play sports. Antoine Winfield is a nice guy, Madieu Williams does a lot of charity work, and Percy Harvin has shown great respect for his elders. These are all great qualities for people to have. I would like to think though that being a nice person is subsidiary to being an athlete, and while I realize that because these people are professional athletes they are in the spotlight more so than a normal idiot and their accidents end up looking larger than most, I realize those accidents do happen because these people are just people. They may play for a sports team from my city but I fully don’t expect them have that purpose be the only thing in their life. If there are extracurricular activities, side businesses, and families to take care of, I don’t care. That’s your right as an American (I think) to have those interests.
But there’s a difference here between having outside interests that don’t affect your job and simply being a fucking moron. And Bryant McKinnie is the latter.
By now we’ve all read and heard about how Minnesota Vikings franchise left tackle Bryant McKinnie skipped out on a couple of Pro Bowl practices while in Miami and was subsequently kicked off the team, or left depending on who you ask. Two good articles have already been written on it, if you’re not fully aware of what is going on still, somehow, someway. Kevin Seifert, former Star Tribune columnist who has covered McKinnie fuck ups since back on the gang bang boat cruise, sounded like a stern father when addressing the McKinnie issue, but also covered all the bases. Vikings Gab sounds more like an upset brother in their write up of it, tracking the other McKinnie occurrences in the past as well. Both are good to get you up to speed on what occurred over the past week, but I don’t really feel that either do proper justice in calling McKinnie out on being the fucking gaping moron he is in this case, so please, let me drop some F bombs.
McKinnie, you fucking suck. I don’t care that you’re fucking one of the Williams sisters (not Pat or Kevin, Serena or whoever, I don’t care). I don’t care that you think you’re some rap star master that is always laying down tracks with some trashy looking hoesbeasts. I don’t even care that you fly to Miami all the time and basically shit on Minnesota. “Oh, it’s so cold here! I’m a huge fucking pussy!” I know you think those things are awesome but they are more retarded than a baby born between cousins. All of them. Your music is surely garbage and the women you hang out with probably have more crabs than the Great Barrier Reef. But none of that matters because that’s all extracurricular shit, and you can do whatever you want as long as it doesn’t fuck up your job. That’s a true statement for anyone.
But hey, asshole, you DID fuck up your job. And again, I know people fuck up. Sometime you hit a traffic cop with a car. Sometimes people drive a little tipsy. We all do those things just not all of us get caught. But not all of us miss a simple practice for a Pro Bowl game that we lobbied to be in because we’re out going to the King of Diamonds in South Beach on Friday night. Even Willis McGahee thinks you’re full of shit and he’s full of shit. That’s fucked up. You say you’re injured and you needed to pull out from the Pro Bowl to heal up. Well, there’s several things wrong with that claim. From the Sex Boat accounts I highly doubt you pull out of anything, and everyone in the NFL is injured. Sure, maybe you’re hurt more than others, but why the fuck not saying something about that on like, oh I don’t know, Thursday, instead of just missing practice without telling anyone and then going out and partying? Fucking IDIOT.
Listen, Bryant, it’s the Pro Bowl. I don’t care, the fans don’t care, if it weren’t for the financial bonuses I’m sure you wouldn’t care either. And I don’t blame you. It’s fucking stupid, we all know that. But don’t harp for this recognition for years and years and years, and then don’t act like a fuck face when you finally get to go. That’s just a poor human decision. And let’s be honest here? You’ve made PLENTY of poor human decisions, so quite acting like you’re some victim here because people are calling you out. Quite frankly, right now I would be beating my dick if we had Michael Oher instead of your ass on the team. He at least wouldn’t get benched mid-game and complain about harsh criticism. Un-fucking-real.
Again, McKinnie, I don’t care. You want to party in South Beach and slap bitches on the backside, that’s cool with me. I’m not going to sit here and judge you on that because I know you’re just a dude that likes to party and I’m just a pussy who likes to play nerd games. Whatever. But if I were to act as dumb as you have this past week in concerns to my job I would be shit canned faster than you flew out of Minnesota once the season ended. But you just don’t seem to care and you never really have. You’re kind of like a high school boyfriend once the relationship gets to college. I’m not asking you to shape up to be a better role model, or focus only on football until you retire. I mean, I don’t just focus on my own real job either. I write stupid, angry, poorly worded posts anonymously on the internet on the side. But I do expect you to not be a bitch and just admit what you did (got too drunk and hung over to practice) and then move on. Take it like a man. I bet Adam Lambert would take this better than you. Maybe that goes without saying though.
Regardless, you’re back on the shit list buddy, and if anything it reminds me again of why you were the biggest asshole in 2009 for the Mushroom Stamps of (Dis)Approvals. I have a feeling you won’t be seeing the positive side of that spectrum for QUITE some time.
Enjoy your offseason, dick.