By kitten I of course mean “pussy” but I felt especially dirty putting that in the headline for some reason.
Regardless, this news is a couple of weeks old by now, but it still pains me to report that Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari have decided to call their marriage which was written in the cherished annals of football lore over and done with, no more, finito (is that the right word?), and it’s largely because even Kristen Cavallari thought Jay Cutler was a pussy.
To be fair to Jay, AIN’T NOT BITCH GONNA TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE NEITHER OR CALL ME NO PUSSY, so I can totally respect that part of his ideal. But different outlets have reported this summer that even Kristin wasn’t a full blown believer in Cutler’s injury after the NFC Championship game. From With Leather:
So how was his relationship with former fiancee Kristin? “Kristin would call Jay a loser and a p**sy, and she’d scream it at him so everyone could hear. They would have fights about Jay being too conceited. They would also argue over how mean he was to people. She would make a point of saying hello to people in the hall, just to piss him off,” our insider laughingly tells us.
In January, they got into a big blow-out argument after Jay injured his knees during the NFL playoffs. He was diagnosed with a MCL sprain. “Kristin called Jay out, saying she thought he was faking the injury and told him he was worthless.”
Jay, conceited?! A pussy?! Faking an injury?! NEVER! And none of that has anything to do with why he finally showed up to training camp in 2011 ripped like he’s been on the Clay Matthew’s illegal work out plan. He’s not out to prove the haters wrong this season, he’s just out to MAKE ALL OF YOU FUCKOS LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES FOR EVER MAKING HIM ANGRY AND HULK SMASH, RRAWWWRR!!!
Regardless, I can’t wait to watch the Bears this season. I have never seen a team get so god damn lucky as they did in 2010, as well as they did that fake year in the NFL when they were the NFC representatives in the Super Bowl. I mean, really? Can you even in your wildest dreams make up a scenario where you’d think the Bears were a good enough team to get to the playoffs let alone a Super Bowl? People seem to conveniently forget last year that the Lions had their ass beat in week one of the season, but because of that stupid “carry through” rule, Calvin Johnson’s touchdown catch was ruled ineligible and the Bears won. BULL SHIT. The Bears should have never made the playoffs and they should be lapping at the Vikings nut sack for rolling over a quarter of the way through the year to guarantee Chicago an extra two wins on the year. YOU OWE US! THAT NFC CHAMPIONSHIP APPEARANCE IS HALF OURS!!
Anyway, it’s super, super, sad to see two fame whores (one that’s kind of talented, the other is somehow an NFL quarterback) not able to find true love together. I’m sure this split was mutual and amiable behind closed doors, however, and that it totally, totally won’t affect Cutler’s ability on the field. I mean, it’s not like he cares anyway, so whatever, god you guys.