I’ve never actually gotten a boner over writing single sentences, or in this case even the opening of a single sentence, but here goes …
FORMER MINNESOTA VIKINGS QUARTERBACK TARVARIS JACKSON (*spring!*) had this amazing interaction with Squidney Rice on Twitter yesterday, and honest to God, do you think he know everyone everywhere makes fun of him? Oh, and if you’re Tweetarded, this is a conversation you actually read from the bottom up:
Fuck yes. FUCK YES!!
First, I don’t know why the Vikings, or at least Squidney Rice, have nicknamed TarVar “Sniper.” Like Wesley Snipes? Like he’s got a big penis? I don’t get it. Because he’s always killing our chances really quickly? That’s honestly the most genuine reason I can come up with. And “Sqidwort”? I’m guessing he missed the “U” in there (Hey, TarVar is a fucking moron, so cut him some slack) but I have no idea about that either. Sqid? Skid? Like skid-marks? And wort? Either this is some homo Harry Potter reference or Rice has warts all over … either way it’s totally over my head.
Anyway, the fact that TarVar would respond that he’s working on his fucking jumped is beyond amazing. OF COURSE he’s working on his jumper! When you’re fucking amazing at something, you become the god damn best at it! Jump pass the shit out of that ball! Make it your niche, your trade mark! “And here comes TarVar, leading the 0-13 Panthers in his first season with the team. He takes the snap, rolls out to his right, AND JUMP PASSES A BEAUTIFUL TWO YARD COMPLETION TO HIS FULL BACK! OH WHAT A PASS!” I’m genuinely going to miss not watching him wear a different uniform next season if there is no NFL. FUCK.
So this joke is pretty much run into the ground now. I’m debating whether or not I should still follow him on Twitter, but I’m guessing I will. Why stop now? I still follow Troy Williamson and we can still make fun of him. Why discriminate, you know?