While reviewing 11 Brilliant and Ridiculous NFL Team Tribute Songs, I came across this piece of turd that I had totally forgotten about:
Back in 1998, everyone was riding high. Randy Moss was flapping his dick around saying “F*CK YOU” to the NFL, Gary Anderson was still staying awake until 10:00 PM on the weekends, and Denny Green was playing drums during the weekdays. It was a great time in Minnesota. The team was an unbelievable 15-1 on the season, most enjoyably shitting on the Green Bay Packers during the regular season on our way to an assured Super Bowl. Shit, man, we were unstoppable. We were like Bruce Wayne before we ran into Bane (Spoiler!).
What better way to prematurely blow your load than to celebrate by adopting one of the hottest club songs in recent memory … Nay, in retrospect, HISTORY … to congratulate these successes? And thanks to those soul suckers at KDWB, they were able to turn Will Smith‘s chart topping hit “Going to Miami” into the absolute ANTHEM of the Minnesota Vikings. We were heading to the Super Bowl in Miami! We got Cunningham and Moss! Randle and Orlando! It’s on, pretty boys!
Or so we though, until this scourge on music history made it’s way to the airwaves and KDWB jinxed any chance the franchise had of winning a Super Bowl during my lifetime, YOU ASSHOLES.
After all these years (you know it’s almost been 15, right? Doesn’t that make you feel old?), looking back on this song and these actions from KDWB, it really blows your mind that they had the audacity to pull some shit like this. Was it the confidence in the team? Was KDWB run by some Twin Cities noobs that didn’t understand our self defeatist attitude and zero chance at winning big games? If someone would do some shit like this now – here or any city across America – they would get burned in a public square like a Salem Witch. HOW DARE THEY. In fact, I’m sure KDWB is somehow to blame for 2009, too. Or if not them, some asshole at KFAN. They like to pull this pretty shit too and think they’re funny, when they’re really just ruining millions of lives. UNBELIEVABLE.
Regardless, I can kind of understand why they did it. As crazy and horrible as Will Smith is now, “Going to Miami” was an awesome song. Try to send yourself back to 1998 with your buzz cut and ill-fitting shirts, and think about getting stupid off of your parents Smirnoff while listening to that song watching Sports Wrap as the Vikings replays were on. THE ULTIMATE HIGH! Until, you know, they lost in the worst way possible. But for what it was used for, that song was still pretty good. Not good enough to forgive any sins or something crazy like that, but still catchy as hell.
Either way, thanks for destroying my life, KDWB. You’re always on commercials when I check you now anyway. Jerks.