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Greg Childs: “I Will Be Onterrio Smith.”

That seems a bit off-putting to say, right? “Remember that Onterrio Smith? I am going to be just like him for the Vikings. I’m going to give you half of one good season and then become involved with a huge plastic cock, a failed drug test, and an infamous product called the Whizzinator before going to play football in Canada where no one will ever hear from me again. Who’s with me?!”

Not me, but not to say that I’m not rooting for Greg Childs, new Minnesota Vikings wide receiver, who essentially (but not literally, lawyers!) said the above quote on a recent episode of “Vikings Tonight.”

His quote in full, which I honestly just straight lifted from Pro Football Talk because who the hell wants to listen through an entire podcast and transcribe shit like that? I’m not a secretary:

“I understood, coming back off my injury, people were trying to see exactly where I’m at as far as being 100 percent,” Childs said, via DailyNorsemen.com. “I definitely have a chip on my shoulder. I’m ready to come back, make plays and show everybody I’m still one of the top receivers and show I will be the steal of this draft. I’m going to work hard, play hard, do everything I can to help this team win.”

Childs said that in hindsight he should have been much more cautious about his recovery from that junior year knee injury, but that he’s now back at full speed.

“I came back entirely too soon,” Childs said. “I’m not concerned about the knee problem at all. I’m 100 percent. There’s no slowing down.”

SOD! SOD! SOD! I love old Vikings acronyms. AFROs, SOD, Brett Favre’s Lil’ Buddy … Classic stuff. Anytime we get to bring back old nicknames for the team, I’ll all for it, especially when it involves penises (peni?) in some shape or form.

We’ve already done our review on Greg Childs last week and noted that he does have lots of potential. What he says here could maybe come true, sure. Why not. He could be a great player that fell because of illegitimate over dramatics about his knee injury. He may flash on the field and show people that he is indeed the “Steel of the Draft,” or at the very least, great value for a team in need of receivers. We’ll see.

However, indicators right now point to him not AT ALL living up to the Onterrio Smith moniker, however, which largely has nothing to do with on-field performance. Child’s in Charges doesn’t seem like the type of guy who is going to be caught with a huge plastic phallus in an airport, but what do I know. I just met the guy. He could have all sorts of dark secrets hidden in his closet. Maybe he prefers life-like breasts to wear at home, and would funnel a milk sample through them. I don’t know, weird shit.

Whatever it may be, I’m just happy that Child’s has given us a reason to discuss Onterrio again, instead of saying he was going to be the next Fred Smoot, Darrion Scott, Michael Bennet, Wasswa Serwanga, or any other number of different Vikings players we are all collectively working to banish from our memory. Good on you, Greg Childs. Let’s hope it all pans out.

Ooo, thought of another one. Koren Robinson. What a dick.