Do you remember Jay Cutler? The former Denver quarterback who puss-faced his way out of Denver so he could go to Chicago and apparently lead a team to the Super Bowl, as was predicted in 2009? Well, ok, so maybe things didn’t actually go over that well for Cutlerfucker in 2009, but NOW he’s got Mike Martz as his offensive coordinator and THEY ARE GOING TO TEAR THIS ROOF OFF, MUTHAFACKA!!!
In a quote from Sports Illustrated’s Fantasy Football preview, (which actually looks like an excerpt from here) from a Peter King article:
“After the Bear’s first minicamp, Martz, the new offensive coordinator in Chicago, told me, ‘From what I’ve seen, Jay has no flaws. None. He’s got no ego. I’m sure I’ve not met anyone as intelligent as him at quarterback. He’s been a great leader. He can make all the throws. His recognition of the defense at the snap of the ball is freaky, incredible. He sees things the way Kurt [Warner] used to see them. He came to me with a completely open mind about this offense, and every day when I come to work, he’s ready to learn. It tickles me. He’s bought in so completely.'”
Are. You. Retarded. Question mark.
In his defense, Peter King does go on after this quote and say that he realizes that Cutlerfucker “led the entire universe in interceptions last year”, which is actually probably true, and then continues to say that a lot of what Cutler does BAD doesn’t really matter all that much in fantasy football, which is also KIND of true. Or at least it would be if Cutler put up really awesome number last year. However, his 27 touchdowns and 3600 yards left him as the 12th best quarterback, which is a mind blowing LIE, and 78th overall in fantasy. But Cutler doesn’t play fantasy football, does he? And if he does, I bet his team sucks too, because you know he picks himself.
And let’s not forget, we’re talking about Mike Martz here. Yeah, Mike Martz. Remember him? He’s still hanging his smug hat on the time he spent with Saint Louis. Do you remember the last time the Rams were any good? Right, that’s the exact point. It was before you even knew who Kanye West was. Every where he’s been too since he’s torched that place to the ground like he was a pagan Viking burning Christians at the stake. Or whatever they did. This guy isn’t good. And his “high flying, interception machine offense” is going to be run outside, with crazy wild winds, and retarded people from Chicago! My god, this is going to be a fantastic year.
In conclusion, I would just like to finish by saying Mike Martz is a bonafide wet sock humper, and I can’t wait for him to get skewered in Chicago.