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Ndamukong Suh Receives Even Newer Fine for Illegal Hit

It was all anyone could talk about this week after the Detroit Lions beat up on the Minnesota Vikings; Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh was in line for a huge fine, thanks to a cheap hit he put on Vikings center John Sullivan's knee during a play. Suh took a dive towards Sullivan's knee far away from a play, blindsiding Sullivan, who went down with an apparent injury but narrowly avoided catastrophe when x-rays came back negative on his knee.

This is just another notch in Suh's belt of "dirty play", which he has been historically fined for and has shown a history of performing. To prevent further action, the NFL took steps this week to attempt and teach Suh a lesson by fining him $100,000, the largest financial penalty ever in the NFL for on-the-field violations. Suh is said to be preparing to appeal the fine, but Purple Jesus Diaries has learned EXCLUSIVELY that when Suh appeals, the NFL is prepared to retaliate with an even harsher penalty to teach both Suh and his employer, the Lions, a valuable lesson.

According to our sources found inside of a Doritos bag, the NFL will force Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford to switch teams with Vikings quarterback Christian Ponder, and play out the respective seasons with the alternate teams. Stafford will join forces with MVP running back Adrian Peterson and stand out receiver Greg Jennings, while Christian Ponder will wander the streets of poverty stricken Detroit looking for his hotel.

While unprecedented, the NFL apparently feels this type of action is the only thing that will grab both Suh's and Detroit's attention, in an effort to try and clean up Suh's play on the field. Immediately, the Vikings become the favorite to win the Super Bowl as their roster improves through simple addition-by-subtraction, while the Lions are fortunate that this fine will occur only after the first game of the season, otherwise they would become the only NFL team in history to suffer through two 0-16 season. As it stands, they will be looking at 1-15 with Ponder at quarterback.

When asked for a comment, Vikings coach Leslie Frazier seemed surprised, but was accepting of the ruling. "Hey, you have to listen to the NFL rule makers" said the coach, "and if they feel this is the best thing to teach the Lions a lesson, then thank you sweet Jesus."

Likewise, MVP Adrian Peterson was asked for comment as well. Through tears, the only thing we could decipher was a bellowed "THANK YOU FATHER!!" and Peterson almost passed out from exhalations.

More to come as this story develops (No there isn't).