Oh wait, PJD did a tournament bracket this year??! Well, shit yeah we did, where have you been?
Here’s a friendly little recap of the action of our fantasy games that for some reason don’t involve football after the second weekend of basketball games:
1. You Go Straight To Hell, VCU: Well … is anyone still paying attention to their bracket, or did you tear it to pieces like a virgin Pikachu after Kansas, Ohio State and Duke went down? Because I sure did. I had all three of those assholes in the Final Four, along with Wisconsin which should teach me a fucking lesson, and then included Duke to win it all. Well … we all know how that went. Rather terribly in fact. Yet despite this bout of idiocy it’s somewhat comforting to look and see that pretty much EVERY single bracket that entered our gay little contest is shit out of luck for their championship pick. The predominant choice was clearly Ohio State, with Duke and Kansas close behind. Albino Finger Monkey picked BYU … go figure, Feisty Fingers chooses the team that can’t even bang her brains to scrambled eggs. I didn’t bother to look at EVERYone’s brackets to see if people had one or maybe even two remaining Final Four choices, but I’m guessing no one did. This contest was over quicker than that last time your rock hard four incher rubbed up against a silk pajama set. Game over man, game over.
2. If You Were to Win a T-Shirt ….: With that being said, it looks likely that we can probably crown Soopafreak as the winner of this year’s contest, meaning he (or she!) gets a free t-shirt from the Purple Jesus Diaries merchandise store. I have a feeling I know which one he might request, but if I may impose my own preferences and tastes on your people, I’m surprised others haven’t shown appreciation for the Jeff Dubay – KFAN Immortality shirt or the Carl Eller Approves one. If I had won a free stupid contest that is EXACTLY the type of shirt I would want to win; one you would never bother purchasing for yourself. So if Soopafreak IS the one who ends up winning this whole debacle, you better think fucking long and hard about your adult decision here, bucko.
3. And I Still Almost Won: Which is a pretty embarrassing scenario for all of you. I wag my finger at the entry simply titled “bracket”, for you had Pittsburgh as your tournament winner, and only managed to accumulate 38 points in the entire tourney. I also shake my head at “Tarvaris Jackson lvl Suckage” for trying to be all oooooohhhh-different and picking San Diego St. to win it all. Nice try, emo boy, did you also like to listen to Elton John before everyone heard he sucked shaft? Get over yourself. The rest of the picks are typically retarded, including my own selection of Duke. Oh, sure, maybe we’ll just have a repeat national champion? That happens all the time! Idiot.
While we will officially wrap this shit bag up next week with a formal announcement of a winner, unless some crazy puppet rape happens, I think we all know where this contest is heading. Instead, I’ll let those who entered sit and ponder their mistakes for another week before finishing here, and also throw out this nugget:
Mock draft contest in April? Winner with most picks correct gets a t-shirt again??? …. Or are we sick of t-shirts? I’m not giving out blow jobs, that’s for sure, and I’m also not mailing a bottle of scotch to a fucking Canadian. I am, however, open to other suggestions. Until then …