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Purple Jesus and Purple Jesus Diaries Wish you a Merry Christmas

Christmas morning. The most perfect morning of slothfulness. I’ve made a passing mention here that I usually am more tied to the tradition of opening your presents on Christmas Eve. It’s the majority of what I have always done and it’s been mostly fun, except when I had a brother that wrapped up poop for me once. I’m not sure if that really happened or not, but I imagine it did. Regardless, I enjoy opening presents then. Between Christmas and my birthday, these are the only two days out of THE ENTIRE YEAR that I ask people to get me shit that I want that I would never otherwise buy myself, because I’m trying to be old and responsible, and being responsible sucks. Regardless of whether you’re opening gifts and spending time with family last night or today though, here’s hoping you get that selfish item on your list. This year mine was self respect! At PJD, though, it’s not just all about us. No, we realize that we are one small fan amongst a sea of purple clad idiots who have similar hopes every year. And with 2009 going exceptionally well for our football team thus far (for the most part …) these holiday wishes and Christmas Miracles seem closer than ever to coming true. So in the spirit of the holidays, we are going to present our Vikings Fan Christmas List, while fully realizing that none of these will come true. But what if! It’d be the best holiday gift ever! Read on for our suggestions and be sure to place yours in the comments afterwards. 1. A God damn Super Bowl finally: Please. This is all we ask. It’s not such a ridiculous request. The team (historically) has been there before! You figure in the law of averages and the Vikings are bound to go on a Patriots’-like terror of wins in order to balance out the four fat zeros that have been put on the board thus far in their Super Bowl history. But more than anything, having a Super Bowl win would officially turn this state into a football state. Right now, the Twins are the only local sport franchise that can claim any iota of success, but the second the Vikings are Super Bowl champs, it’s over. The Twins become a novelty act, and rightfully so. This is football country, baby, so give us our damn trophy. We deserve it after so much heart break, especially during this holiday season. We’ve even been behaving extra well so we could get one! All of us except Jn, but that’s to be expected. 2. A young, franchise quarterback: Could you imagine? The Vikings have a couple of stud young receivers, a young running back, but an old as shit quarterback. In fact, ever since Brad Childress has been here we’ve had a revolving door of papaw quarterbacks. It’s been infuriating. For once I would just like a reliable, Steve Young type of franchise quarterback, where we could go into every offseason saying to ourselves “Whew! At least we have that quarterback spot locked up!” I guess you could say the closest thing to that was Daunte Culpepper but … yeeeeaaaaahhhh … Not only did that not turn out well, he only played at a franchise level for like two or three years. The rest of the time I was pissed off at his carnival sized hands that would constantly fumble the ball. I would splooge in my pants if we had a franchise quarterback though, seriously. 3. A new stadium: Wouldn’t that be amazing too? A brand new stadium! And it doesn’t even have to be a Death Star like Jerry’s World in Arlington! I’d be happy with an understated facility that demands respect but is pleasant to look at, kind of like Beyonce. Put in some quirky features that makes it unique and one of a kind with all of the modern amenities that make rich people want to go there and it’d be fine! I don’t need a plaza for kiddy games, or gold plated urinals, $87 pizzas, or whatever else bullshit that is driving the costs of recently proposed stadiums upwards of a billion dollars. Minnesotans are understated people. We don’t need flashy shit; we just want shit that is visually pleasing and functionally works. IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK, FAT CATS??! Get it done. 4. Reversion to the classic threads: Permanently. No more of these circus outfits or futuristic bullshit. I want the Vikings to wear stripes on their sleeves and have stripes going down the side of their white pants. I want black cleats. I want them to wear gray facemasks. Hey, you know what? You can keep the new horn on the side of the helmet if you want. I’ll give you that if you give me something I wouldn’t drown myself in if I was wearing. And then I never want to see mention of these Jackson Pollack uniforms again. 5. Purple Jesus to never grow old: Perhaps most importantly, I want Purple Jesus to remain as a 24ish year old running back at the top of his game for the rest of his life. I don’t want him to even think about retiring until the Vikings have at least won four Super Bowls. He deserves that much. If anything, that would solidify his spot in the Hall of Fame, where he deserves to be, as well as back in Heaven, when he finally decides to return. Also, the longer he’s with the Vikings the more sense this blog will make. If I have to change the title because he retires, signs with another team, or dies of old age I am going to be PISSED. There is my Vikings Fan Christmas List. Have anything you want to add? Put it in the comments. Hope you had a great holiday and have a blackout drunk type of weekend upcoming. Remember to send me questions for the Mail Dump for Monday’s game preview! See you then.