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Purple Jesus Pisses Off a Bunch of Rich White People

Yesterday Purple Jesus had an off-handed comment made public in a Yahoo! Sports story where this was the exact and only quote that people bothered to read because pretty much everyone everywhere is a fucking moron apparently:

“It’s modern-day slavery”

Well, I guess that does it for the story now, right? Time to get all pissy at Purple Jesus because he said, verbatim, without any use of literary color, allusion, or simile, making millions of dollars playing a kids game is EXACTLY like being a slave. And then he said “fucking quote me on this because: Zygi Wilf is plantation owner who whips my back and calls me son, when he CLEARLY knows I’m old enough to have a child my own!”

HOW DARE HE! That Purple Jesus has now gone and ruffled the feathers of a bunch of rich white people who pay thousands of dollars in disposable income to sit in cathedrals of entertainment, perhaps in a box seat in a plush chair and watch him get put in physical harm! And he’s upset semi-rich white people that have attempted to remain status quo by purchasing a 1080p LCD flat screen TV with surround sound with their more limited disposable income! DON’T REMIND ME OF SLAVERY, ENTERTAINMENT, PLAY FOR MY AMUSEMENT!

Fuck all of you.

In case you don’t want to be a baseless fucktard who can’t form coherent sentences, here is the entire question and answer Purple Jesus had in the article:

SC: We’re talking about 15 minutes after the NFLPA sent in the paperwork to decertify, so the lockout’s on everybody’s minds. I’ve talked to a lot of players about this recently, and I always ask the same question — what is the message you want to get out to the people who love the game and are tired of hearing all the labor talk?

AP: We’re business-minded, also. It’s not just fun and games. A lot of football players, whether it’s Sunday or Monday night — we’re out there on the field, competing, hitting each other. But people don’t see everything else behind it. It’s a job for us, too — every day of the week. We’re in different states, sometimes thousands of miles away from our families and kids, and a lot of people don’t look at it like that. All some people see is, ‘Oh, we’re not going to be around football.’ But how the players look at it … the players are getting robbed. They are. The owners are making so much money off of us to begin with. I don’t know that I want to quote myself on that…

SC: It’s nothing that I haven’t heard from other players, believe me.

AP: It’s modern-day slavery, you know? People kind of laugh at that, but there are people working at regular jobs who get treated the same way, too. With all the money … the owners are trying to get a different percentage, and bring in more money. I understand that; these are business-minded people. Of course this is what they are going to want to do. I understand that; it’s how they got to where they are now. But as players, we have to stand our ground and say, ‘Hey — without us, there’s no football.’ There are so many different perspectives from different players, and obviously we’re not all on the same page — I don’t know. I don’t really see this going to where we’ll be without football for a long time; there’s too much money lost for the owners. Eventually, I feel that we’ll get something done.

But this crazy idea about an 18-game season … I’m sure they want more entertainment and more revenue, but we’re not going to see a pinch of that (the increased revenue), and it’s just the business we’re in.

Don’t fucking care. He’s right. The owners fucking suck. Jerry Jones just built a billion dollar stadium by writing a fucking check. And in fact? Purple Jesus is fighting the common man’s fight. He’s sitting here saying sometimes he feels like a slave to his job too. Oh, I’m sorry, you’ve never said your boss is working you like a slave? That you’re feel beat like a mule? That your employer is just raping you? HEY, STOP USING RAPE JOKES ASSHOLE THAT’S FUCKING INSENSITIVE AND YOU TOTALLY GAVE CONSENT TO YOUR BOSS WHEN YOU WERE ALL LIMP WRISTED WHEN HE ASKED YOU TO WORK THIS WEEKEND AND LOOK WHAT YOU’RE WEARING YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT.


This entire scenario pisses me off. This comment is fucking nothing, and the white people I’ve been following on Twitter (see: Peter King) can go choke on a dick for getting all huffy about it. And fuck everyone, because there is no such thing as football right now anyway. Do we all feel good about that? Yeah, didn’t think so. Go pick up on a bigger story.

Bottom line? Was this a poor choice of words from a multi-million dollar, high profile athlete addressing a stupid fucking touchy issue (CBA) right now with people easily butt hurt? Probably. Was his quote more hyperbole and simile than fact? Yes. Was he completely wrong insinuating that players are getting a screw job compared to the owners? Fucking no. And besides, we all know he didn’t REALLY mean it about slavery and the NFL. That only actually happens in college football. You know, where they do the exact same thing but don’t get paid for it while rich white alumni sit in box seats? “But PJD! They get a free education and scholarships!” Right, because an undergraduate degree means anything in this day and age …