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Purple People Apparel – Get your Crocs Right

I have a confession to make. I’ve always hated on Crocs. They are the dumbest things in the world. I don’t care if you think they are comfortable to wear, or if they’re easy for your children to put on. Maybe your children shouldn’t be brain dead and they could learn to tie their own shoes. Shit, give them velcro. Velcro is sweet. Also? Crocs make your feet smell like I imagine Maggie Gyllenhaal’s armit smells like. And I always see cooks wearing them in kitchens without socks on. You know, she plastic shoes with the holes in them, when hot grease could sneak right through and turn you into Captain Peg Leg? Idiots.


With the recent news that a certain Minnesota sports player apparently has an affinity for wearing Crocs, a watch, and little else, I’ve fully come to the decision that if I DO every buy a pair of Crocs, I know exactly which one’s I’ll be buying. Here, I have a picture of them for you after the jump. Should you look? Well, are you at work? Can you look at artistic interpretations of penises while you are at work? That will be your answer. So … don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Ah yes. Look at how comfortable your feet will be while you hold your cock in your hand and a phone in the other! THESE, my friends, THESE are shoes fit for a Tractor King. THESE are the shoes that you wear when trying to attract a young philly with arousing photos of yourself. There’s only one question to ask …

Do you think Deanna has a matching pink pair?

Thanks to Packers Lounge for finding and posting, we think.