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Roster Moves: Vikes Sign Some … Guy … I Don’t Know

Vikings Sanford Football

BOOSH! It’s on now.

ITEM! Jamarca Sanford, rookie safety out of Ol’ Miss, just signed his rookie contract with the Vikings. Never thought we’d hear from him again, huh? Remember, he’s the guy we were thinking of calling the Terminator, SARS Server, or AIDS Arrow. Now that he’s signed, we’ll have to decide on something here, so vote or add your ideas in the comments. Apparently, my initial take on this kid wasn’t too far off what Access Vikings feels his role will be (who knew??) and after signing a four year deal (I believe that was the original length of Jacksons, by the way …) it sure as shit appears that he’ll be learning a lot in 2009 while willfully throwing his body around like a flesh arrow at the opposing team. Luckily, Sanford looks like he’s built stronger than an Ox in heat, so I’m not too worried about him hurting himself on the always lauded coverage team. And if the team’s coverage sucks as bad as it did last year, any fresh bodies will be an upgrade after we burn the previous ones behind the old wood shed. What?


FACT! Born in Mississippi and playing his entire football career in the same state, Sanford is going to be in for a culture shock when he starts living full time in Minnesota. Sure, he’s probably seen some things around the state already after spending time here during training camp, but it was most likely limited. I say “probably” and “most likely” because I have no fucking idea, and what am I, Ed Werder? You think I’m going to spend all afternoon checking these facts? I got fapping to do. But I digress … Sanford will be most surprised when his nipples freeze off come October and he looks around and all he sees is white; white snow, white clouds, white people. As usual, your first job out of school, Jamarca, will most likely not be quite what you were hoping for.

SO? This pick/signing still doesn’t do anything for me. I honestly didn’t hear a single thing about him out of training camp. Was he injured? And his college stats (82 tackles in his last year, 56 solo … thanks Wikipedia!) indicate that he’s more of a run stuffing linebacker than an interception crazed safety, at least for the defense that the Vikings play. Is he going to push Madieu Williams or Tyrell Johnson for a starting spot? I fucking hope not, or we’re all in for a world of hurt. Will he be better than Husain Abdullah? God I hope so, we got this kid for four years now. At the very least, it seems that he’ll fulfill his role as a special team’s maven for many years, although I’m sure that’s not what he was really looking forward to. But then again, real life sucks once you get out of school,

CONCLUSION! Welcome to the team, I guess. If anything, it finally means that football season is starting its slow progression towards reality. Sign a couple of draft picks, get that fucktard Favre into the fold, start training camp, laugh at preseason games, and then POW! Right in the kisser, we’re back into lazy Sundays. If anything, Jamarca, your signing has brought hope to football fans everywhere for greener pastures on the horizon and the thoughts of baseball being just another beaten red headed kid.