For former Minnesota Vikings receiver, Sidney Rice, his first year with the Seattle Seahawks didn’t go as anticipated. Playing only nine games in 2011, with less than 500 yards and only two touchdowns, many wondered if he was truly deserving of the five year, $41 Million contract he received from Seattle. Maybe more so, many found themselves relieved that the Vikings didn’t dedicate that amount of money themselves.
Yet the connections for Rice and the Vikings didn’t end with his contract decision.
“Yeah, switching teams and starting new is a tough thing to do” Rice said from his hospital bed after a recent surgery on both of his shoulders. “But one lesson I learned this past year is that when you’re looking for adjustment suggestions, you shouldn’t go calling Brett Favre.”
Brett Favre, Packer great and two-year Minnesota Vikings rental at quarterback, had stayed in contact with Sidney Rice through his contract negotiations. Rice had been one of Favre’s favorite targets in his short stint with Minnesota. Both Rice and Favre posted career numbers in many categories working together. Favre had mentioned to Rice that he had always appreciated his help in making 2009 a memorable year, and offered his experience and insight into the league throughout Rice’s career.
“I don’t think I’ll be calling him back though.” Rice shared. “I remember back during free agency I had called him up and told him how hesitant I was to switch teams this early in my career. I know he switched teams late, and I just wanted to see what insight he had. But it wasn’t very good. We got to talking and he always came back to long-winded tips on masturbating away from home, and I decided that was probably enough from him.”
Favre spent a year in New York after leaving his “home” in Green Bay for many season. While away, it was later discovered that Favre was accused of sexually harassing massage therapists, and texting pictures of his genitalia to New York Jets employee, Jen Sterger. “Favre would always mention to me about getting ‘a piece on the side,’ but I don’t think he knew what it meant. He was usually just referencing pie. But man, that guy did love to play with himself.”
Less reported during his time in Minnesota was his propensity to satisfy his own sexual cravings in front of his team mates in the locker room. “It got to the point where even Shanko was weirded out by it” Rice said, “but when I talked to him before coming to Seattle, he swore by it. So I tried it. I mean, I’m embarrassed to say it, but I tried it out. Why not? Why wouldn’t you listen to a Hall of Famer?”
What happened instead was Rice was stricken with the injury bug once again, and ended up having to have surgery on both shoulders after the season ended. “He said it was normal, and pain killers would help me play through it, but I had enough.”
Rice hasn’t heard from Favre since, but says that doesn’t surprise him. “Favre would always claim that we were really close buddies, but I think he ended up finding some friend of his that was into some animal porn or something, and honestly, we haven’t talked since.”
“Hall of Famer, I guess, but I bet it’s the Hall of Sexual Deviant Fame. What a weirdo.”
Since this article has been written, Sidney Rice has been recovering from shoulder surgery. That is the only thing that’s probably accurate about this post. Except everything about Favre, of course.