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The Most Bestest Day of the Year is Finally Here! /JDB

Do you know what today is? It is Minnesota Vikings quarterback John David Booty’s most favorite day of the year, April 20th, or rather, 4/20 day! It is notoriously known around the nation as the date designated specifically for aficionados of marijuana to partake in the plant all day as they celebrate their pastime. Today, we’ve asked JDB to share his plans for the day …

Damn it guys, I said pass to the left!
Damn it guys, I said pass to the left!
“Oh man, this is totally like my most favoritest day of the entire year, and I bet you could never guess why, because I usually keep why I like this day so much a secret, but if you really want to know, it’s because it’s finally 4/20 day, also known by the Nazis as the day Hitler burst forth from his mother’s womb at such an accelerated rate that it set into motion all of the events that have led up until NOW! It’s like the theory that they always mention that if a butterfly lands on a pond of water and starts a ripple effect that can be felt miles and miles away on like a riverboat and it totally affects then like which card the dealer is going to hand the player next in a round of black jack and causes the player to sweat and look all squinty eyed at the other players at the table like “Oh man, this is so intense, what’s going to happen?” and then they all go back in time all because a butterfly landed on a pond. It’s so messed up, I get goose bumps just thinking about all the bugs and butterflys that had to land on ponds just for me to roll up a joint today! Oh, yeah, today is going to be so much fun though, man, so fresh. Man, I am so excited because last year this time I was getting sweaty palms because I was trying to prepare for the draft and I was freaking out about whether or not my pee cleansers would work and mask my dope use, which I guess it did, I don’t know because I just totally forgot about it all when I got drafted, but this year it’s like a summer vacation for me today because we already did out OTAs, the team is prepping for another USC quarterback draft with Dirty Sanchez, and I can just roll some ganj all day long. Oh man, Sanchez has got to be freaking out today too like I was last year because he can’t be rolling in the greens and is probably all busy wondering like “Oh no! Am I going to get drafted by the Jets or the Redskins or the Lions or the Bucs or the Seahawks or what?” Ha ha, I bet he’s tweaking out so much it’s probably hilarious. I think I’m going to call Leinart up and be like “What’s up dude? Wanna smoke weed? I don’t got anything going on!” and he’ll be like “Yeah, let’s do this grass toke and call Sanchez and make fun of him and then we’ll put our helmets on and try to fishbowl them!” except it sucks, because of the little ear holes and things in the helmet, it lets all of the smoke out. I tried putting sarand wrap over the face mask once too, but all I remember is blacking out eventually with Dwayne Jarret standing over me being like “Dude, you’re so high!” and I was just thinking “Oh man, I totally am”. It was so awesome. But today is going to be different because is going to let me borrow a bunch of his silk shirts and stuff and I’m just going to sit around my condo in those all day and blaze bowl after bowl and feel how smooth they are, and maybe put something cashmere on as well and just roll around in it, ya know? Just roll in it. I’ll probably order my favorite item from every restaurant in town as well, just one thing from each menu, and have it all delivered, so, I’ll get like a meatball sub from Subway, a Juicy Lucy from the Matt’s Bar and like a Hawaiian pizza from Luce’s because it reminds me of going on vacation to the Pro Bowl, even though I didn’t get voted in, but because I bought a ticket and just went, because I was like why not? They got some killer nugs out there so maybe I can get blazies with some Somalians or whatever they are called there and man, it did not disappoint because I got so high one night I tried to swim back to California and I had to have like four guys pull me out of the water, which wasn’t too hard, because I fell asleep actually once I got about eight swim strokes in because I was so sleepy from the sun all day long and drinking all that sea water, but overall Hawaii was pretty sweet. Anyway, it should be a good 4/20 today. Give me a call if you want to go to the moon, man, and we’ll just hang out and watch music videos or something and then look out my condo window at people walking the streets and be like “Oh wow, they all look like ants!” but then we’ll be like, no, they’re not really ants, they’re really people that were formed when a butterfly landed on a pond and created time ripples throughout the history of humans that put them in this one place … oh man, I’m getting dizzy, I better sit down …”