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The Vikings Preseason Schedule and Oh My God It Is Bland

The Vikings released their 2011 pre-season schedule this week (I don’t know, maybe the entire league did) and holy crap is it blander than boiled chicken for dinner. Taken from KFAN’s Vikings blog, take a look at these enticing match-ups, and I’ll offer you my suggestions instead:

August 13th: at Tennessee

August 20th: at Seattle

August 27th: vs. Dallas

September 1st: vs. Houston

Oh. That’s it? Bland games against bland teams and Texas? The only saving grace here is that one of those games is on a certain person’s birthday *squeal!* so at least I can (potentially) get wasted and watch third stringers run around like children. That’s always a blast.

Listen, we all know pre-season games suck, but why not at least ATTEMPT to spruce them up a bit? Here is who I would, almost annually, attempt to play in the pre-season:

1. Kansas City Chiefs
– They’re an AFC team, in the past we have scrimmaged against them, and they are a fan favorite of other, fatter, mid-westerners in the region. It’s a naturally pre-season rivalry that could annually spawn into something fantastic. Maybe we could make a trophy for it, as a nice transition for the college rookies to the pros. “The Golden Tractor!” or an airplane and call it the “Flyover Award.” There is a lot of potential here, and it’s a shame to see this opportunity wasted.

2. San Francisco 49ers – We’ve played the 49ers seemingly frequently in the past few years, but I wouldn’t mind seeing more of it. Maybe only if it was the third preseason game, however, when the starters play the longest. AND! And, only if BOTH teams wear their throwback unis. I could then just sit back and fondle my sweaters with the game on, even though it doesn’t mean anything. It just LOOKS appealing when these two teams play. GET IT DONE.

3. Buffalo Bills – Another AFC team we seem to rarely ever encounter, I’d pit these two teams together consistently, at least until one of us won a Super Bowl. That way, both teams fans would always be reminded that we are a terrible fan base, long suffering and stupid, for not having jumped ship years ago to a winning squad. It’s only fair that we wallow in each other’s misery.

4. Philadelphia Eagles – As long as Andy Reid is the fat tire on the sidelines, I will always feel, for some odd reason, that we are rivals with the Eagles. And maybe after winning with arguably the worst team we’ve had in a decade that rivalry has stepped up a notch. This match-up would also bring some much needed fire and passion to the preseason, and would also allow Vikings fans to see who will be on their roster once the Eagles players are washed up in, oh, four to five years. It’s called pre-scouting, or something.

Do you have a suggestion? Looking forward to a particular pre-season game? Leave it in the comments.